Big V and Little Sy

the details of Vladi

2011-05-15T20:06:00.000-07:00

It will be a month this week that my little Vladi came home forever. And we are learning so many details about him. Honestly, who he is and some of the things he does just blow me away. Things like he has dance moves that are so exuberant and fun that Josh and I just smile and laugh over and over. Or that he will come into the room and see me and put his arms out and run to me to be hugged. Or that he is always trying to help Syrus -- help him up the stairs or with his shoes or stopping Syrus from getting into some sort of mischief. Or that he loves to take a bath -- not surprising considering how much he loves to clean! Or how he is using sign language like a pro -- I only have to show him a sign a couple of times and he will use it regularly after that. He is so smart! Or how about that he cleans up after lunch by pushing in all the chairs and putting things in the trash. I mean, seriously? And he snuggles in bed with me every morning for about 30 to 45 minutes. Really?!

How did I get so outrageously blessed to have this hilarious and sensitive and helpful little treasure as my son?

Sure he still cries but it is nothing like two weeks ago. The crying has slowly begun to dissipate as he has begun to understand that he can trust and he can love. He can get kisses and give hugs. He can be comforted and snuggled. He can be celebrated and encouraged. Sure he still doesn't want to go to bed at night, but he does fall asleep so much quicker and in a bed next to ours so he can always check and see if we are there. Sure he is starting to test the boundaries, but it is because he is starting to feel a confidence that he didn't have before.

And all of this in only a month. I have learned so much about Vlad in just a month.

I can't help but stand in wonder at how blessed I am that God's crazy plan allowed ME to be this little guy's mom. But I also can't help but think about his birth mom. She really missed out on having this boy in her life every day as her son. I mean he is something else. And I want her to KNOW. To know him. To know the details of who he is. To share all the victories big and small; all the first words and steps; all the wild and crazy dance moves; all the hopes and dreams that I have for this little boy that I'm sure she must have too but doesn't get to participate in every day for forever. I want her to be a part of the daily spilling out of who this boy is. Does that sound crazy? I have this desire to share it with her -- to share Vlad with her. I just think she should know how delightful her son, my son, OUR son is.

I think I'm going to start writing her letters, a journal maybe, where I write to her and share about the details of Vlad -- not sure that she will ever see it -- maybe it is more for me because I've never understood how to negotiate the whole birth mother/adopted mother concept. Maybe it's because I watched my dad cry quietly every time someone on a talk show was reunited with a birth mother, longing to know who his own birth mother was and overwhelmed by the desire for her to know him. Maybe it's because I feel somehow guilty that I have the privilege to be the mom to this sweet, sweet boy and she doesn't.

Every day I am slowly discovering the details of Vlad and how those little quirks and smiles and moments and tears and dance moves and hugs enter into my heart and make me his mom more and more each day. And I don't want her to become less his mom as I become more his mom. I want her to take the journey too. To take it with me as two women who anticipated little Vlad's arrival into their families and loved him in a way that could not be described or articulated. Even if it is only ever a journey on paper -- letters, if you will, from one mother to another mother. Of the same boy. Hmmmm....

Better than I think

2011-05-04T11:56:00.000-07:00

I know, I know. I'm sorry. I have been horrible at updating the blog. It's already been two weeks! Let me see what I can do to give you a taste of how life has changed in the Burick household.

To be honest, I am overwhelmed. Good overwhelmed and bad overwhelmed.

There are times when I am so relieved that Vlad is home with us and I love being a mom of two boys -- those moments where Vlad seems to be showing off because he is adjusting so well. Like when he went to the nursery on Easter Sunday with Syrus and it didn't phase him at all. Or the times he dances with Syrus when American Idol is on TV. Or when he helps me clean up after a meal by pushing in the chairs and lining up the sippy cups on the table. The moments when he snuggles with me for about an hour in the morning when he wakes up. Or when he points to me when I ask, "where is mama?" These are the moments of good overwhelmed.

Then there are days like today when I can't seem to figure out how to get him to stop crying. I take his temperature, I hold him, I change him, I get him a drink, I feed him, I try to play with him, and nothing works. There are the times when Syrus starts to cry, and pushes Vlad off of me in an effort to still be important and Vlad slides down at my feet and begins to whimper, while I try to see him over my huge belly. Or the moments when I am standing, nine months pregnant, with nothing on but a towel, and Vlad is screaming and Syrus is crying, and all I can do is cry too because I'm not sure how I'm going to get dressed and get them lunch and down for a nap before I have to be at work in an hour. Or the moments I've convinced myself I must be going into labor because why else would this be so difficult. These are the moments of bad overwhelmed.

And I wrestle with a million questions about this little boy who I don't know as well as I know Syrus. See, with Syrus, I know all the different cries -- which ones mean I am afraid or injured and which ones mean I am two years old and want my own way. I don't know those with Vlad yet. So, when Vlad cries, the questions come. Is he afraid I am going to leave him? Is he testing me to see if I'll really always be there? Has he somehow contracted an awful fatal disease in the last few minutes? Is he just being a toddler boy and trying to figure out what he can get away with? Does he hate me because I turned his life upside down? Am I just horrible at being a mom to more than one child? Did my water just break?

Ugh. I hate the questions. I want the answers. I want the key to unlock this little boy so I know why he cries when he cries. I want to know why one night he slept in his crib in the room he shares with Syrus and now he panics if I try to put him in there. I want to understand why I can leave for work with no tears from him but if I leave the room and he can still see me, he slides down the wall, sucks his thumb and whimpers. I want to know how he can possibly learn how to use sign language so quickly -- really it is amazing how fast he picks up on everything! I want to know why yesterday at the doctor, Syrus measured two inches taller than Vlad and Vlad is a year and a half older than Syrus. And the list goes on and on. So many questions. I just want the answers.

And as I sit and write this, partly feeling guilty for being honest about how there has been BOTH beauty and stress since Vlad came home, I am as usual reminded that the essence of my stress comes from my desire to know the answers to questions that I'm sure God often has about me.

Me. The one who God must constantly shake his head at and wonder why is she crying about that?
Me. The one who makes one decision one day and turns around and does the opposite thing the next day.
Me. The one who trusts God in this big moment but freaks out in that little one.

Me. Unpredictable, stressful, crying, questioning, messy me.

Hmmmm..... Maybe I know Vlad better than I think. :)

He is home.

2011-04-21T18:31:00.000-07:00

Here we are, folks. All of us. At last.

It has been an emotional couple of days knowing that the journey was all about to be over, yet really, the journey was all about to begin -- all in the same moment. Josh was emotional when they handed him Vlad's visa yesterday -- the LAST document needed to enter into a new life as a family of four. I was emotional last night when I was putting Syrus to bed -- the LAST moment as an only child and a goodbye to our old life as a family of three.

And then today. We waited and waited for Josh, his sister Rebecca, and little Vlad to finally arrive and for it to be official. An orphan no more. A Burick forever. They came through the doors from customs, Vlad proudly swinging his arms and walking into his new life wearing a Puma tracksuit and his hat off to one side, looking like he owned the place and was waiting for his hip hop album to be released. Perfect. I bent down to see him -- a sweet reunion after nearly three weeks -- wondering if he would remember me. I called his name, "Vladi" and he immediately turned to me. Then I said, "Mama" and he gasped. Then smiled. Done. That was all it took.

Then there were hugs and kisses and tears all around as Josh and I began to push TWO strollers out of the airport, holding hands, looking at each other and knowing life had changed. So fun. We put the boys in their carseats and off we went. Syrus and Vlad just kept staring at each other as though they were unsure if they were looking in a mirror. They shared a banana, signing "more" over and over, watching each other eat and modifying some of their own routines to try the other's strategy. I gave them each a baby wipe. Vlad immediately began to wipe down his face, his hands, his mouth, behind the ears. You know the routine. Syrus ate his wipe. Love it. My boys.

Once we pulled into our driveway, we "traded" boys to make the big entrance into our house. Josh took Syrus and they were laughing and chatting away, with Syrus giving one of his emphatic gibberish speeches. I took Vlad. He grabbed me tightly and I said to him, "You are home. You are home." And he laid his head on my shoulder and snuggled into me.

And I completely lost it.

Josh turned around and saw me doing "the ugly cry" and came back, and the four of us stood there for a moment in the driveway, taking it all in before stepping into our home. All the paperwork. The headaches. The fundraising. The worries. The prayers. The appointments. The apostilles. The signatures. The time zones. The frustration. The expectation. The moments we had said, "I just want him to be home." And there he was. In our driveway. About to enter our home. HIS home. This little boy's life has totally changed.

And now so has ours! We went inside and two toddler boys went off exploring together. They jumped on their beds. They played in the ballpit. They fought over Tickle Me Elmo. They ate cake. They tried on clothes. They played basketball. They gave high-fives. And most of all they laughed and cried and babbled to each other. Just like brothers do.

And now I am the only one who is awake. For all my boys have completely crashed for the first time under one roof and I keep walking around the house, checking on them all to see if it is real. Is it? I'm not sure yet. It is indescribable when you have spent almost 9 months chasing a photograph of a child that you BELIEVE is yours, and then that child from the photograph is INDEED yours, and sleeping peacefully in the next room. I mean, seriously? And yet, there he is. THERE HE IS! My little Vladi. He is home.

Delights, trip-hazards, good people, and Vladi...

2011-04-20T06:51:00.001-07:00

Well, it has been five days since I took Vlad out of the orphanage. It has flown by and we are ready to come home tomorrow thanks to a new visa in hand. I am very, very ready to get on the plane and fly home with my new son. I need some semblance of normalcy. I am dragging a bit, so I will put this post in a top ten-formula. I don't really have a theme. Perhaps we can call this my top ten musings before I get up insanely early for my flight.

1. Delights. If you come to Kyiv, this is the grocery store to visit. I found it just in time - two nights before I am to leave. That was a tired, sarcastic remark. What is not sarcastic is this: Delights is the Whole Foods of the city. I actually found asparagus and did not need to weigh my produce. There is a man who will carve your roast beef by hand. I was looking for a fight in the produce section but came away with nothing. Oh well. I'll just ram my grocery cart into somebody at the Jewel in St. Charles for the heck of it.

If you do not understand this last part, check some of my earlier posts in which I detail some of my grocery store encounters.

2. Vlad continues to amaze me. He loved the train ride and eats vegetables. Look out Syrus, your days of quesadillas and pizza only diet are numbered.

3. My sister, Rebecca is amazing. She flew in Sunday and her timing could not have been more perfect. Rebecca has been huge in helping me with Vlad, who has taken an extreme liking to her. An extreme liking. Meaning, when she leaves the room to go get a drink of water, Vlad breaks into tears and walks after her. Evidently I am now chopped liver. Of course, if you know Rebecca, it is hard to blame Vlad for his new perspective.

4. There are an absurd number of trip hazards in the Ukraine. I entered one restaurant, and I counted four different little steps just going through the door. They are everywhere and reach up to grab you. I only bit it twice. It must be a record. If you come here, be aware.

5. Vlad loves to change his clothes. When I brought him back from the orphanage, he went over to his suitcase and took out all of his clothes, one by one. He then tried on half of them. I just sat and watched him take off his shirt, put on a new one, take that one off, put on a new one...and then he found the shirt I traded for from the orphanage. It is the yellow one we saw him wearing in the first photo that we saw a couple of years ago. He smiled, put the shirt on and then began to walk around.

Yeesh.

It hit me even harder that Vlad is toughing out a really hard, life-altering transition. This kid is a brave little one.

6. If anyone complains about the facilitators here in the Ukraine (and anywhere for that matter) as they try to help you with the adoption process, make sure to check yourself. We Americans have a lot to be thankful for. I, for one, am very thankful for the rights that so many have created, fought and died for so that we can enjoy them today (and I really do say that in the least cliche manner possible.) As a United States history teacher, I am completely appreciative of what our founding fathers (and mothers) went through to ensure these rights. One thing that we have to be careful of, however, is taking this pride in having personal rights and allowing it to evolve into a nasty sense of entitlement. These people work amazingly hard in their area of social work. Marina was our main facilitator here during our adoption of Vlad. To watch her work was something to behold. She was on top of everything, pushing when things needed to be pushed, and showing prudence just at the right time. God truly blessed us to have her as our facilitator. She would answer the phone at any time - even in the middle of cooking dinner for her son (and when I tried to get off the phone she refused.) When my internet cut out, it was clear that she was more worried about it than I was. She went above and beyond what she needed to do to make sure that our stay was as positive as possible. Every night, another facilitator, Luda, called to make sure everything was ok. It was a joy to hear her pleasant voice on the phone, checking in even when she probably didn't have to. Serge was cash money during our SDA appointment. If I had to go into battle with someone, Serge would be the man I would call because he wouldn't need a weapon. He would simply break the enemy with his fingers - and I say this after only meeting and hanging out with him for about two hours. And Serge cares about children so deeply - on Facebook under his basic information, he only has one thing: "EVERY CHILD DESERVES A FAMILY." Amen, brother.

Everyone - Roman, Nico, Eugene, just to name a few others, were so generous with their time and made us feel safe. I will miss Roman's jokes, Eugene's super-detailed narrative of the history of Kyiv, and Nico's willingness to be flexible with his time so my sister and I could get to know his wonderful city a bit more before we departed. Get that new van soon, Nico - you deserve it.

7. Thanks to Roman's mother who made sandwiches for me. They were tasty. I will be making them back in the States.

8. I will be training Vlad to be our housecleaner. He already has a head start. The first night in the apartment, I watched him fold his clothes, pick up pieces of paper, put them in the trash, and pull out a mop and push it around. I am not making this up. On the train, he pulled out a wipe and proceeded to clean his legs, hands, arms, neck, and face. He then scrubbed, and I mean scrubbed, behind his ears. Seriously?

9. It is almost midnight. What the heck am I doing up?

10. Best moment of the night? After I gave Vlad a bath (which he loves to do by the way...the other night, after his bath he decided to take OFF his pajamas and get BACK IN the bathtub...) and got him dressed. We were hanging out a bit and then Vlad started sobbing because he thought he could not take the broom back into the kitchen to clean while Rebecca was finishing up the dishes. Vlad's tears were mainly due to him not having a nap today and he was exhausted. I can't think of another reason why he was upset because I was not preventing him from his cleaning duties. But I picked him up and let him cry on my shoulder. Within minutes he was snoring on my shoulder, laying on me like a warm blanket. I just watched his back rise and fall with each heavy, sleepy sigh. I then thought of the fact that tomorrow night, the same scenario would be playing out in little West Chicago, Illinois. How cool.

And all of a sudden...

2011-04-17T12:22:00.000-07:00

I very rarely get nervous anymore. Too much has happened over the past few years in our lives for me to get amped up over something that I cannot control. God has rammed into my head over and over and over that it is His plan that we are following, not our own - a lesson that I now fully embrace.

So when I began to feel butterfies in my stomach the night before I went to pick up Vlad from the orphanage, I was surprised. I tossed and turned for what felt like hours. This was not a nervous, "are we doing the right thing," feeling but a "holy cow, this day has finally arrived and I am not quite sure what to do with myself" feeling. After finally falling asleep and then waking up the next morning I figured the butterflies would have left. But nope, they were back. I scurried around doing errands in preparation for the small party that they would have at the orphanage. I figured these tasks would take most of the day and was even worried if I had left enough time to get everything done.

I was finished with three hours to spare.

I couldn't focus. I tried to nap. I tried to read about Notre Dame football, but found it boring. I tried to grade but found myself spending about 20 minutes re-reading the introductory paragraph because I had forgotten what the student had said. I Skyped with Corbett for a while. I tried to nap again. I watched television that was broadcast in Russian. I was starting to get a bit desperate.

And then all of a sudden, it was time.

I showed up at the orphanage, signed some papers and then began to walk up to the second floor only to realize I was going the wrong way. After retracing my steps, I found the staircase that I had climbed so many times to see Vlad. Obviously, I had a profoundly different feeling this time. It felt eerie to walk up those stairs knowing it would be the last time. I almost started to cry nostalgic tears as I walked past the empty play room where we had gotten to know Vlad for the past weeks. I walked down the hall I had chased Vlad over and over again, now knowing that we would be playing new games back home in America. And then I almost lost it when I walked into the room where all the children, including Vlad, were enjoying their afternoon snack. The realization then enveloped my body that I was taking Vlad away from all that he had ever known. Ever.

That is no small responsibility to take on as a Dad.

Of course, I was absurdly excited to finally get Vlad. But my heart also went out to him knowing that he was about to go through a radical change in his life. Certainly a change for the better, but it was just a little sad for me to watch him leave a good home he had know his entire life.

I wasn't sure how long this party was supposed to last exactly. I wanted to make sure that I was able to show appreciation for all that had been done with Vlad but I also didn't want to create an awkward situation of spending too much time in the room as these nannies had to take care of 13 other children. But as soon as I walked in, it was a whirlwind. I started pulling out all the treats and toys for the kids, awkwardly explaining to the nannies who they were for. Hand lotion and chocolates for the nannies came out. Three frosty cold bottles of champagne emerged from my bag, which brought more smiles and giggles from the nannies. After making a rather silly joke through charades that the champagne was not for the children, I stood there thinking, "What next?"

One nanny promptly came over and pointed to Vlad's clothes, indicating that she would change him into whatever I brought. I brought more clothes than necessary just it case, but before I knew it Vlad was dressed in all of them. A fresh diaper went on with pajama bottoms tucked into his socks and a pair of jeans over top. T-Shirt, long-sleeve t-shirt, and sweatshirt went on top. Sneakers were velcroed to his feet. Parka and winter hat with ear-flaps finished off his outfit. I was mildly concerned about heatstroke. But then there he was ready to go...the nannies said goodbye, hugging him, speaking lovingly in Russian and wiping a few tears from their eyes. I realized that this was going to be it.

They put him on the ground and my little overstuffed tick, ready to pop, waddled over to me and looked up.

"Ready to go, Vladi?"

And so we did.

This is a little boy...

2011-04-15T12:47:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow is the day when I go to the orphanage to take our 2nd son back to my apartment. It is surreal to think that this part of the journey is drawing to a close.

I have obviously been spending a lot of time with the little guy ever since I arrived here. However, my interactions with him the past two days have been very interesting. I have watched my new son express a new emotion: sadness. I have seen him quietly cry. In one sense, my heart breaks. On the other hand, it is heartwarming to see him express a new emotion.

Two days ago, I watched him go from being happy-go-lucky to suddenly sad. He started to walk back to his room and I went to pick him up. Instead of the usual laugh and smile, his little face crinkled up into sadness. I held him close and told him, "I love you. It's ok..." He rested his head on my shoulder and then his little body started to shake. He was silently crying. Sheesh. Punch me in the face. What could I do?

A similar thing happened today. I'm not sure what is going on exactly, but I know that he is mourning something. I feel like he knows that something big is going to happen. A big, life-altering, transition to a far off land without borscht, without pink leggings, and without all that he has ever known. That is hard.

This orphanage is great. It is clean, contains all of his friends, and has nannies that are sweet and caring. That cannot be easy to leave behind. I would be lamenting such a departure myself.

The good thing is that he is not running away from me, but seemingly reaching out for comfort. It is this comfort that I will provide the rest of our lives. With that said, I am realizing that this is a brave, brave boy. He has gone through a lot in his brief life. He has persevered to become a sweet and loving child despite abandonment. He has pushed Down Syndrome aside and grown physically and intellectually. This is a little boy from whom I will learn many profound truths. This is a little boy who will make me a better man. This is a little boy that God has placed in my life so that I might draw closer to my savior, Jesus Christ.

Praise be to God.

A jetlagged post...over coffee...

2011-04-13T16:11:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone...this is the first post of my trip. Internet and schedules have been quirky. However, on my layover in Germany I typed up a blog entry that I am finally uploading...sorry for the delay!

Saturday/Sunday, April 9th/10th...

Well, I am currently sitting in a McDonald’s in the Frankfurt airport in Germany. I am enjoying a fairly tasty McCafe Latte. I am by myself. This does not happen often.

Over the past 10.5 years of marriage, whenever the opportunity presents itself, I have discovered that I usually enjoy being a “bachelor” for about 24 hours. I can read about Notre Dame football for 10-11 hours (it is an unfortunate, yet blessed, addiction that has taken me to the highest and lowest of emotions.) I immerse myself in classic World War II movies and play the HBO miniseries, Band of Brothers, from episode 1 up through episode 10. Casablanca is a must because, well, it is Casablanaca. I paint little, tiny, minuscule army men and tanks for hours. This is often misunderstood as either self-inflicted torture or extreme nerdiness. For me, it is my wife’s equivalent of an all-day spa treatment complete with a cucumber covered facial.

But when I wake up the next day, my bachelorhood isn’t all that it is cracked up to be. It’s just not that fun anymore. First, I think about my wife. I think about how each and every day she makes me laugh. And laugh. And laugh. I am convinced that this laughter adds years to my life. I think about her passion that makes me consider what really matters in this life...God, family, and making a big difference from within the dangerous comfort of suburbia.

Then I think of Syrus, a.k.a., “the little buddy.” This is the first time I have been away from my son Syrus for such a long period of time. Before I left, I went to pick him up to tell him I was leaving. He was in the midst of chomping on a cheese quesadilla. He looked at me with a face that said, “What? Seriously? I’m eating here...” He then did his classic, dive-for-the floor move that means, “Put me down. Immediately.” It just made me laugh, like so many of the things Syrus does. I miss his unintelligible, yet absurdly loud, speeches to himself in the mirror. I miss that look of pride and joy in his face when he walks around (see some of my earlier Facebook videos.) And yes, I already miss his tantrums in which he flings himself to the ground as if the world has indeed, finally, come to an end.

I miss my students, who have been incredibly supportive of me even though I have been gone for so many weeks. It is not easy for me as a teacher to be away for this long. I care deeply for my students even though there are times when I am sure they think I only care about test scores (which is the farthest thing from the truth...) When I came back after our first trip and I walked into the classroom my students gave me the biggest smiles and hugs that were simply heartwarming. Additionally, their parents have been the same way...I don’t think they realize how much it means to me, my wife, Syrus, and, whether he knows it or not, the little boy I will be bringing home to West Chicago, Illinois.

Of course I miss my friends and colleagues at Wheaton Academy who have also been massively supportive through this small adventure. It has been ridiculous. Not once have I sensed a raised eyebrow of judgement from anyone...only genuine interest, prayer, and support. It is unfortunate that I can take for granted such a workplace that God has blessed me with for the past 14 years.

But as I sit here about to fall asleep on my keyboard thanks to extreme jetlag, at the start of a 10-day trip to Eastern Europe, I realize one thing that brings a smile to my face...it will only be about 24 hours more before I will be reconnected with my family again. I will be reconnected with my second son. It feels so weird yet so good to type those words. It fills me with peace and warmth to think that I will soon be watching him walk around in circles with the toy cell phone pressed to his ear. I start smiling when I think about the inevitable game of “chase me so that I can fall down so you can pick me up and set me down so we can do this all over again” game. Most of all, I can’t wait to have him walk over to me for the first time in 10 days, reach out his arms to have me hold him once again. This kid is great to hold. He simply rests his head on your shoulder and gently clings. I can’t wait until he raises that head back up and looks into my eyes while I look back into his. That moment of eye contact is incredibly profound for me. We are connecting somehow. It is slow, but sure. Our relationship is in the incredibly early stages, but when we look at each other, it is fascinating to feel that relationship grow.

To quote Kramer from the show Seinfeld, “Giddyup.” I’m coming to get you partner...you better be ready...

he's a Burick

2011-04-12T19:54:00.000-07:00

Everything is going SO well for Josh and Vlad so far. Josh has unfortunately had unreliable internet, otherwise he would be writing this himself. I miss him so much and it is strange to be apart. But I love that he gets to have this experience with Vlad -- such a special and unique time together as father and son.

Josh arrived on Sunday afternoon and got to Vlad's region on Monday. He and Vlad were able to visit with each other that afternoon and it was truly a sweet reunion. At first, Vlad came out of his room and was a bit dazed, as though he couldn't believe Josh had come back for him. But when Josh picked him up and held him, Vlad just pressed his cheek against his and wanted Josh to hold him. He was gripping him so tightly. And then it was like Vlad was completely energized by being with Josh and he was running around and playing with Josh, just like old times.

Today, Josh spent running around doing all the paperwork. Today is considered Vlad's OFFICIAL adoption day because the ten day wait is over, all the paperwork was finalized, and his birth certificate was issued as Vladislav Sorin Burick. So, we will always celebrate April 12th -- it's like a second birthday. After picking up the court decree, they got Vlad's new birth certificate, applied for his passport, and closed out his orphan bank account which will be donated to the orphanage. Vlad got to come with Josh for part of the day to get his passport photos taken. They had a great time together on their first outing outside the orphanage gates.

And Josh got a bunch of helpful information today like what Vlad's typical schedule and diet is like -- all good to know as he transitions into our family. I can't believe it -- in about a week, he will be walking into our home for the first time. An orphan no more. Now a son, a brother, a nephew, a grandson, a Burick. Yep, he's a Burick.

here

2011-04-08T19:29:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow is the day! On Saturday afternoon, Josh gets on a plane to get Vlad! This is what his trip should look like:

Sunday -- arrive in Vlad's country and stay overnight
Monday -- arrive in his region and go for an afternoon visit with Vlad -- I am SO jealous!
Tuesday -- the ten day wait is over -- pick up court decree -- get new birth certificate and apply for Vlad's passport
Wednesday and Thursday -- visit Vlad in the morning and afternoon
Friday -- pick up passport (it takes four days so it should be ready by then)
Saturday -- GOTCHA DAY! -- throw a party for Vlad's group and bust him out of the orphanage for good
Sunday -- return to the capitol city and meet up with Josh's sister (so cool that she is coming!)
Monday and Tuesday -- U.S. embassy appointments for Vlad to get a medical exam and a visa
Wednesday and Thursday -- fly home one of these days depending on how everything above goes

Josh and I went out on a date tonight and we watched a bunch of the videos and looked through a number of the photos of Vlad, and we both got really excited to bring him home. And folks, he will be coming home in time to celebrate his first Easter with his new family. I can hardly believe it. In less than two weeks, he will be playing HERE in our home and sleeping HERE in his bed and snuggling HERE on my lap. HERE. All here.

We would love to have all of your prayers for traveling safety and for all of the documents to be easily acquired. And please pray for Vlad's transition out of the orphanage and into our family. It is time. Time for him to be here.

home feels so good

2011-04-04T07:50:00.000-07:00

We are home. Home feels so good.

After our court date on Friday, we went to visit Vlad once more. Just being with him and knowing it was official was so sweet. I whispered in his ear that we are his parents for real now. I love that kid. I think he knows it. I was surprised that I didn't cry when we had to leave. I thought it would be hard, but the moment was just so full of hope and future that I couldn't be sad. He will be home in a few weeks.

We left super early on Saturday morning and took the train back to the capitol city. The train was actually quite nice since it was during the day. We were in a private compartment and got to see the countryside filled with little homes and farms. We stayed overnight in the capitol city and got up at 3am to head home to Chicago. Wow. Long day of travel. Syrus was a champ, but we were all exhausted by the end. And it was SO nice to finally walk into our house.

Home feels so good. I went up to the boys room that Syrus and Vlad will share. Their names are on the wall above their cribs. And it looks so different now. Before, seeing the name Vlad on the wall didn't mean the same thing as it does now -- it was in many ways just a name and a dream. Now when I see the name Vlad, I really know who that little boy is -- what his smile looks like, what his laugh sounds like, how he nibbles a grape when he eats it, why he lets out a yell when he can't find the cell phone, what his hands feels like when they grip me for a hug. Now when I see the name Vlad, it carries weight like the name Syrus does. Now it is the name of my son.

And what a name! We decided to keep his given name, Vladislav -- it is the one thing he owns and all of the nannies and kids call him Vlad. He knows that name -- and that's how we know him, too. His middle name, Sorin, we chose for him because it is the name of the priest who founded Notre Dame. If you know anything about the Burick family, they are a Notre Dame family. I got my football jersey when I got married to josh. And we wanted to give Vlad a middle name that would make him a Burick. Thus, he got a piece of the Burick heritage -- haha! Notre Dame, baby! It is in many ways a second home for Josh and his dad. Josh can't wait to give Vlad his jersey when he gets home.

That's right, home feels so good.

he is ours

2011-04-01T11:44:00.000-07:00

And now, for the first time ever, allow me to introduce

VLADISLAV SORIN BURICK

Today in a courtroom in Eastern Europe, we were named Vlad Burick's parents. It was an emotional moment to be sure.

Imagine a long rectangular room. At one end, is a woman in a suit -- the judge. In front of her sits her assistant. At the other end of the room, are eight other people. On one side sits me, Josh, and Marina, our wonderful translator and facilitator. On the other side sits the prosecutor. Along the wall are two women who are the jury as well as a representative for the social worker's office and a representative for the orphanage. And though they weren't technically there, Syrus and Baby #3 would play significant roles in that courtroom, too.

At the beginning the judge was given our magical photo album and as she was looking it over, she made a speech to the room about how in other countries, families believe that children with Down syndrome are people like everyone else who deserve to be educated and raised by a family who loves them. She then passed around our album to everyone else so everyone could see that our family includes such a child, named Syrus. Syrus to the rescue. Quite a moment.

Josh and I each had to speak to the judge and tell her about ourselves, our family, our home, and why we want to adopt Vlad. Then the prosecutor was allowed to ask any questions. Josh spoke first and I immediately began to weep. It just got to be too much for me. She had our dossier on her desk which represented the last seven months of paperwork and she wanted us to then express what cannot be said in a bunch of formal documents -- that we want this child to be named legally ours though in our hearts he already is. It was all so official. Josh spoke so well about our finances, insurance, our home, everything you can think of -- and he was emotional a few times as he spoke about our lives and our desire to be Vlad's parents. Very powerful to watch your husband do this for a little boy you hope will be your son.

When I spoke, my voice was choked away a few times by tears. The prosecutor asked me the same question the social worker had asked us two weeks ago, "if you already have a child with special needs, and one on the way, why would you want another child and one who will require so much care?" I told the courtroom that my tears were because we love Vlad so much and want him to have the kind of life that our other two boys will have. That when we started the process to adopt Vlad, I was not pregnant, but that Vlad was already our son in our hearts and this third child was just another one of God's blessings to us -- the same as Syrus and Vlad. The judge had a tiny smile on her face and was nodding as I spoke.

Then the other people in the courtroom were allowed to speak. The social worker's representative said that they believed it was in Vlad's best interest for us to adopt him as we understood his diagnosis and not one member of his family or anyone else in his country had expressed an interest in adopting him. They wanted us to be his parents. The orphanage representative said that Vlad had never once been visited at the orphanage and had been there his whole life. She said when she saw us playing with him, it was like he was our own son. They wanted us to be his parents, too. I was struck by how many times it was said in court that "the child has nothing. He has no home. No family. No one in this country who will want to be his parents." It was said over and over again. And here we sat, wanting to give Vlad everything -- a home, a family, parents. Again, quite powerful.

Two things were then brought to our attention. First, evidently how we were given this date for court and this judge, was not the way things are normally done. Marina had to jump through many hoops and the judge had to do a number of things to make that happen. She said that because I was pregnant, that an exception was made for us. We were so thankful because evidently we should have had to wait a month to have a court date. Thus, baby #3 came to the rescue.

Second, we were given the option of having the 10 day wait waived -- an incredible gift as this has not happened in this region in 15 years. However, it was explained to us that there were great risks involved in doing so which could potentially and ironically keep us here in the country for 2-3 more months because it is so rare and would therefore raise some eyebrows. We therefore decided to decline. We would rather wait 10 more days than 2-3 more months and have Vlad come home with us AFTER baby #3 is born.

The judge then looked at us and said, "Congratulations. You are now the parents of Vladislav Sorin Burick." The room was suddenly excited and everyone was on their feet and people were hugging us and saying congratulations. Josh and I both wept and held each other in the middle of all the excitement.

After all this time, he is ours.

And we are coming home! We are very excited and at peace. We will be home this weekend and Josh will return next week to bring Vlad Burick home. Forever. Starting today, no one can say that this child has nothing. We are his, and he is ours.

all we want

2011-03-31T11:51:00.000-07:00

After 8 long days, we saw Vlad yesterday. Many of you have probably seen the video Josh posted of him on facebook. It was quite the visit -- when he first came out of his group's room, it seemed to take him a moment, as though he was just waking up, blinking, and saying, "is that really you? you came back for me?" By the time we had him down in the visiting area, he was back to his old tricks and had Josh chasing him around again. After about an hour, he just wanted me to hold him, rock him, and sing to him. It was very sweet. And of course, he was wearing the same shirt that he is wearing in his original Reece's Rainbow picture -- the photo that started it all and captured my heart.

When we went to get Vlad this morning from his group's room, we opened the door and he came running with arms outstretched and a huge smile on his face while the other kids all yelled "mama" and "dada" -- he definitely was excited to see us. And since it was a beautiful day out (like 50 degrees at least), we got to take Vlad outside to play on the playground equipment. But first, he had to be properly bundled by the nannies. If you have seen the movie, A CHRISTMAS STORY, he looked like Randy when his mother puts him in the snowsuit and he can't put his arms down. Like a tick about to pop. It was pretty funny because it gave him a waddle that seriously rivals mine as a pregnant woman. We played on the swings and had a great time. And every time he got to the bottom of the slide, he would sign "more" and Josh would take him back to the top. So fun.

This afternoon, we went again and this time were joined by the Carlin family -- they are adopting Danil, Josslyn, and Parker. AND they brought their son Kellen and we brought Syrus. So that visiting room was hopping! And the Carlins are great -- our kind of people. We love them.

It was great to watch Syrus and Vlad together again. Syrus is so kind, always sharing his toys or food with Vlad. And the two of them played together on the floor for a bit. I love seeing the two of them together. There are moments when they look so alike which I love and also moments where they are clearly two very distinct boys with their own personalities which I also love.

And shout out to the Beauty and the Beast cast, Vlad sported his B&B sweatshirt today! He looked very cool.

Tomorrow is the big court date. We will visit Vlad in the morning and then Marina will go with us to translate and facilitate the proceedings. It will all happen at 3pm here and 7am in the Midwest. Please pray that all goes well and we are named Vlad's new parents. That's all we want.

let's see...

2011-03-29T23:40:00.000-07:00

BIG V
We still haven't seen Vlad but he doesn't have a fever anymore and has fully recovered. He is still in the hospital because the orphanage doesn't want the other 100 children to get sick or for Vlad to have a relapse. They are hoping he will come out today (Wednesday) and we can see him this afternoon. I can't wait to see his sweet face and hear that laugh. Hopefully that laugh is all he has that is contagious.

LITTLE SY
Syrus has grown up on this trip. He is walking everywhere and pointing at everything -- neither were skills he had mastered before we came. I think he is ready to get home to his own bed and some new episodes of Sesame Street. We are too! :)

THE REST OF US
I am going to be 8 months pregnant next week and my body is definitely feeling it. I am huge and baby #3 is all over the place, making it more difficult to sleep and such. I can't wait for this little one to arrive, but Josh and I keep telling him to stay in there till his due date! Josh has tamed the produce section of the grocery store and they now fear him. :) He even discovered soy sauce and has been making some sweet dishes the last few nights. Nancy (Josh's mom) has been an AMAZING help the whole trip -- couldn't have done this without her.

THE PROCESS
We have court on Friday at 3pm -- that is 7am for those of you in the Midwest. We are just praying that the judge and prosecutor will agree that we should be Vlad's parents. That's all we really want is to be his parents so we can become a family of five!

Hopefully we will update later today that we have seen Vlad -- at this point, that would be the best thing ever.

culture shock: a top ten list

2011-03-28T10:32:00.000-07:00

Hello. This is Josh the husband. This entry will not be a beautiful, touching, artfully crafted post like my wife's, but rather a simple reflection on my cultural adaptation process during these past two (or is it three?) weeks. I will arrange my thoughts in a top-ten format.

1. Shopping for groceries is not for the faint of heart. You better keep moving in the produce section or risk a shopping cart in the achilles. No lie, my wife witnessed a woman, who was disgusted with my pace of movement, lift her cart in the air and slam it into the ground. I believe it was supposed to be a warning shot, but I ended up with a slight flesh wound.

2. Produce section, continued: You have to put your veggies in their own plastic bag (which I am accustomed to) and then take them to a scale. You press the appropriate button that has the correct picture of the vegetable or fruit on it and then print out a little sticker to put on the bag (which I am not accustomed to.) One must be aware that when you are standing at the scale, assertive people simply cut in front of you, throw their vegetables on as you are in mid-measure. Example: I placed bananas on the scale, put on the sticker, put the bananas in my cart, went to put peppers on the scale only to find that a woman had cut in front of me with potatoes. I mean, I am up against the scale, protecting it like a pseudo-rabid raccoon, and she slipped in anyway. This has now become a game. It doesn't matter if my opponent is an 80 year-old grandmother (especially since she pushed me out of the way in the checkout line.). All is fair in love and war and grocery shopping. In the words of Charlie Sheen, I shall be victorious. But it will have to be tomorrow...hopefully.

3. I don't know Russian. But I walk around with a tough look on my face and a stern strut to compensate. I'm sure that it is not working. Perhaps it is my Wheaton Academy fleece that gives me away...

4. I am fascinated by the history here. Ancient, complex, profound, passionate. You can walk down the block and encounter the modern, the communist legacy, and then a medieval church. I'm enthralled.

5. I love my newly adopted coffee shop. They know my order and greet me with big smiles everyday. The barista painstakingly writes something in english on each cup. These messages range from "Good morning!" to "Smile today!" And I love the fact that on the door it says, "Welcome to Chicago!" I don't really get that, but it makes me feel a little closer to home.

6. When I say I am from Chicago, people's eyes light up with excitement and respond with either "Ahhhh! Capone!!" or "Gangsters!" Couple that with the fact that the restaurant next door to our apartment building is called "Capone's Bar" and the Chicago stereotype is complete. This only reinforces the perception of my history students that Capone is awesome. Or, as one of my AP students posted to my Facebook wall the other day, "See Mr. Burick!! CAPONE IS BOSS!" Ah yes, I am truly developing young lives to make a wholesome impact on our world...

7. Our facilitator, Marina, is amazing. Every time I talk to her on the phone she sounds like she is sprinting to the next court appointment ready to save another child. I don't think people thank her enough, because when we do, her face breaks into a big smile and she thanks us profusely for thanking her.

8. Our driver, Roman, is also amazing. I would have gotten into four or five accidents by now. Plus, he plays Michael Jackson's, "Bad." This, of course, starts my wife dancing in the back seat.

9. The cyrillic alphabet drives me crazy. It is really weird to have no idea whatsoever at all what most things say. But my main frustration is that I don't know something that looks so cool.

10. I am reminded of the reason why I never say in the states, "Why don't they just learn English!" Just let that marinate...

Well, I will have more of these because I am sure I am forgetting for the moment about 10 other experiences...perhaps more in the future...

I really hope I can see Vlad tomorrow. Sheesh. It's been too long.

let the games begin

2011-03-27T10:54:00.000-07:00

A week has passed with no Vlad in our lives. Booooo. I miss him. I really do. I miss watching Josh chase him down the hall at the orphanage while Vlad swings his arms and looks over his shoulder expectantly. But make no mistake about it, my friends, we are still chasing Vlad. We have been chasing him since August when we made the decision to adopt him. And we are going to be chasing him all week right into our court date.

PLEASE pray for our court date on Friday. It is the next step in the process to become Vlad's parents. When we go to court, there will be a social worker, an orphanage representative, our facilitator, a judge, and us present. I'm not sure if there will be anyone else like a prosecutor or anything like that. But essentially, the judge will hear the case, ask any questions of us, allow anyone else to speak, and then determine two things. First, she will decide if she believes it is in Vlad's best interest to be adopted by us. So, we could get this far in the process, go to court, and be denied. It is possible. Let's not even go there. Second, she will then decide whether or not to waive the 10 day waiting period. This period of time is essentially an appeals period where any other party could contest the judge's decision to make us his parents. In some regions, the 10 day wait is routinely waived. In this region, it is NEVER waived. So we would either legally become Vlad's parents on Friday in court or we would legally become his parents after the 10 day waiting period is done. In other words, a lot is riding on this court date on Friday. Both for us and for Vlad. And we are SO ready. Ready to see him. Ready to go to court. Ready to start our lives together.

So, as they say, let the games begin. :)

this time forever

2011-03-26T10:48:00.001-07:00

Sorry I haven't posted in a few days. There hasn't been much to report. Vlad is still in the hospital so we haven't seen him although he is recovering and getting better. We are hoping he will bust out of there on Monday or Tuesday so we can finally see him again.

We have been hanging out and wandering around the city -- thankfully there is a lot to do and see here. We found a great Italian restaurant -- wonderful pizzas and salads and sweet staff. It's like the Prasino of the area (for those of you who have been to that restaurant in St. Charles!). Marina took us to a history museum today and we did a bit of shopping. We have watched a zillion Seinfeld reruns and a bunch of movies. I have become a solitaire and sudoku addict and we have had lots of time to read and just hang out. We STILL don't have a name for baby #3 although that has been the topic of many conversations. If you have any names you would like to throw out there that will go with Syrus and Vlad, feel free to send them our way!

Other than that we are just biding our time until Vlad gets out of the hospital and we can see him again. Josh made this little video of him that I thought I would share (actually Josh tried to post it on here about a million times and it won't work, so he put it on facebook instead) -- it shows him probably exhibiting what is called "orphanage behavior" -- something a child does as a result of spending time in an orphanage. In the video, he repeatedly takes his toys into the house and hides them, then comes out to make sure that I am still there, then returns into the house to make sure the toys are still there. He is all about making sure that the things he now has, like a mom and toys, are always going to be there. Very sweet but also shows how our little guy hasn't had a mom or toys of his own.

I can't wait for him to remember this week that he still has those toys and a mom and a dad and a brother. This time forever.

so you wanted a faith journey, huh?

2011-03-23T11:59:00.000-07:00

We got a lot of news today.

1. Vlad is in the hospital. He has a high fever and an infection of some sort. He is stable and not in a life-threatening situation. We won't be allowed to see him until he is out of the hospital and fully better. The doctor says it will be a week. I can't write more about it or I will get upset, thinking about our little boy in the hospital alone, with no one by his bedside. Tears. :-(

2. We got the judge our facilitator, Marina, was hoping for -- this judge is very experienced with adoptions. Woohoo! :-)

3. Our court date won't be till Friday, April 1st. Hmmm.... :-/

Please continue to pray. Obviously we weren't expecting to get all the way to Eastern Europe to meet Vlad and then not be able to see him. And I hate that he has to be alone when we are HERE!!. It just seems so ridiculous! I mean we haven't been here his whole life, and NOW he is taken to the hospital. We are IN his country and we can't be with him. AAAAAARGH!!!

I know I said I wanted a faith journey, but this just seems unfair. So, I'm just holding on to the fact that God, as usual, probably has something up His sleeve and soon we will see what that is. In fact, I'm counting on it.

SHUNNED

2011-03-22T10:23:00.000-07:00

Vlad is sick. So we are on SHUN. We had to miss our morning visit in order to go to an office to sign some documents, and when we went to our afternoon visit, we were turned away by the nannies. SHUNNED. They said Vlad had a fever and was in bed, so we weren't allowed to see him. And we can't see him tomorrow. STILL ON SHUN. Hopefully we can see him on Thursday if he is better. UN-SHUN?

I was so disappointed. And when we got in the car. My eyes began to fill and big hot tears began to run down my face. When it comes to your son, you don't want anyone else to put you on shun. And when your son is sick, the one thing you want to do is hold him and comfort him. I was so angry. Not at the nannies. It's not their fault. That's what you do when a child is sick in an orphanage. You get him away from all the other kids so he can get better and not get anyone else sick. I was angry because there was nothing I could do. It hasn't been made official by a person in a judge's black robe that I am Vlad's mom, so I am still a nobody without any say in what he needs or wants. But, to me, in my heart, I am his mom. And the person you want when you are sick is your mom. I know. I still want my mom when I am sick. And the big hot tears roll down my face even now because she isn't here to make it all better. And that's what I want for Vlad -- I want to make it all better. Not just his being sick. But everything in his little life. I just want to make it all better.

Deep breath. Okay. A few prayer requests....

If you could pray for little Vlad who is sick, that he would get better quickly...
If you could pray that we would get a court date, so we can get the process moving...
If you could pray that we get assigned the right judge, that would grant us favor...
If you could pray that when we have court, that the judge would waive the 10 day waiting period, so Vlad can come home ASAP...

Those are things that can make it all better.

under the influence

2011-03-21T12:30:00.000-07:00

They are already rubbing off on each other. It is pretty incredible to watch. Such a blessing to watch Vlad and Syrus influence each other and in turn influence me as their mom.

VLAD INSPIRES SYRUS
When we arrived in Vlad's country, I wouldn't have classified Syrus as a walker. He CAN walk but it hasn't been his mode of transportation. He is still a bit wobbly and prefers to walk while holding your hand than on his own. Until he met Vlad. Vlad is a walker AND a runner. Syrus has watched, mesmerized by his older brother, and suddenly, Syrus is beginning to transform into a walker. He walks to try to get to Vlad. He walks all the time now in our apartment. He walks in front of the mirror to see himself walk. Try as we have, we couldn't get Syrus to choose to walk. But Vlad could.

SYRUS TEACHES VLAD
Syrus is a communicator. He makes a lot of sounds but he also knows a number of signs. His favorite sign is "more." Big surprise. What two year old boy doesn't say "more" on a regular basis? And Syrus is especially good at signing "more" when there is food involved. We thought we would try a Grape Experiment with the two boys during one of our visits. Syrus is slightly obsessed with grapes and he will sign "more" a million times to eat as many grapes as possible. Now I'm not sure if Vlad has ever tried a grape, but I know he doesn't know American Sign Language. Until he met Syrus. Within minutes of the grapes coming out of Josh's backpack, and seeing Syrus signing "more" and getting grapes, Vlad has now mastered one sign. "More." Try as I did the day before when it was just me and Vlad, I couldn't get Vlad to understand the purpose of the sign. But Syrus could.

In a few short visits, I have seen how I cannot force their relationship. Much like how I cannot force anything else in life, try as a might. Syrus and Vlad will do this in their own way and on their own terms. But it sure hasn't taken long to see them at work in each other's lives. I mean this has been in a few short days! A good reminder to me, to step out of the way, and let it happen. I guess I need a couple of little guys with extra chromosomes to teach me the big lessons in life. Sounds just like how God would influence me.

hello, my name is dad.

2011-03-19T23:01:00.000-07:00

I really didn't want to do it.

I had to build a stage in the chapel at Wheaton Academy. I had to refinish the basement within two months. I had to finish a massive simulation for my U.S. Military History class. I had to work on developing a new role at Wheaton Academy. I had to make sure I was creating formative and summative assessments for each one of my classes.

I had to cook dinner and pay bills for crying out loud. Yes, I am the chef of the house.

These were just some of the thoughts running through my head as my lovely wife was proposing this idea (for real this time, it seemed) to adopt a little boy named Vladislav from Eastern Europe. I did not have warm fuzzy feelings enveloping my body, taking me to a place of epiphany where angels sang from on high, "Yes, Josh! Yes! This is the way!"

I had feelings of nervousness, frustration, stress, anger, and, most of all, guilt. Guilt that this idea of adoption was not an automatic "yes" in my mind. I simply did not feel at peace about this whole thing.

I told Corbett I would pray about it.

And so I did.

Kind of.

I found myself praying those prayers that you spout off real quick as you are just pulling into work when you realize you forgot to pray that morning. The, "dearlordthankyousomuchforthisdayandmyfamilypleasegivemeagooddayandgivemeguidanceonVlad. Amen." type of prayer. An, "all talk" prayer, if you will. I was talking to God but not listening at all to what he had to say. It was like I was talking to someone while having my fingers in my ears at the same time.

After about a week, I still didn't feel at peace about the whole thing. But I realized why that nagging feeling of guilt still remained. I hadn't really prayed about it. I could technically say that I had prayed about adopting Vlad but in reality I had not. So I took a deep breath, told Corbett I was still thinking, and genuinely approached the next week with an open heart of prayer.

Then, a few nights later, I awoke to a strange glow emanating from the corner of our bedroom. As I sat up with great anticipation, an angel appeared holding a sign that said, "BURICK. ADOPT VLAD. IMMEDIATELY. I WILL FINISH THE BASEMENT."

Ok, not really...

Of course, I wish God would communicate with me that clearly on a daily basis and I was certainly hoping that was going to be the delivery method of His choice during my decision making process, but alas, it was a bit less dramatic than that. After praying and listening, praying and listening, the negative feelings I had were replaced with a sense of peace that is really hard to describe. And what is fascinating is that sense of peace has never left me. Even as I sit here in an apartment in a city whose name I still can't pronounce, the same feeling of assurance is present within my soul. It was not a dramatic answer to prayer. But it was an answer that has given me unshakable faith that this is where we are supposed to be.

Ever since that point in late August when I was enveloped by the warmth of God's calling, there has never been a point where I have felt unduly stressed by this whole process. Sure, there was a time or two (the fingerprinting incident or the possibility of a particular government changing the entire adoption process) where I felt a butterfly or two in my stomach. But in all honesty, I have sold out to the idea that God is in control and has a plan for my life and my familiy's life that is for the best. And if that is the case, what do I have to worry about? How is stress going to change things? In the week leading up to our departure to get Vlad, I had a number of people at Wheaton Academy ask me, "Are you nervous? Are you freaking out?" I honestly answered, time and time again, "Not really..." I am not in control...God is. And that is a very, very good thing.

Pretty sweet. And pretty sweet that I have two boys that love the iPad as much as I do...

that cell phone

2011-03-18T14:47:00.000-07:00

We are starting to settle into a bit of a routine here in our new apartment, and getting a feel for where things are in the city. Josh and I visited with Vlad in the morning and, man, was he a ball of energy! Josh spent most of the morning chasing him and Vlad would just laugh as soon as Josh would scoop him up. Vlad would start to run and kept checking over his shoulder to see if Josh was following him. Very sweet. Soon he was tired out and sat on my lap to play with Syrus's toy cell phone. Yes, even a little boy who has spent his whole life in an orphanage knows what a cell phone is and how it works.

In the afternoon, Nancy and Syrus came with us to spend time with Vlad. It is fascinating to watch the boys together. For all their similarities, they are quite different in how they react to each other. Vlad spends his entire day with about a dozen other kids. So, I think it is a welcome relief for him when he hangs out with us -- it is quiet and there is no competition for toys or attention. As a result, he likes to play with us or play independently. He is constantly collecting the toys we bring and taking them into the little plastic house in the visiting room. It's as though he is guarding his belongings even if they are only his for the time we are there. Syrus, on the other hand, doesn't spend much time with people his size or age. So, to him, Vlad is a fascinating mystery. He is constantly giving his toys to Vlad and following him to try and play with him. He isn't possessive of his toys because he has so many and can play with them whenever he wants to.

And then there are the differences in communication. Syrus is a chatterbox because we celebrate anytime he communicates. And he is given choices throughout his day, from what he wants to eat to what he wants to play with to what Sesame song he wants to watch on YouTube. Syrus knows his opinion matters so he is always sharing it. Vlad, on the other hand, has his day dictated for him. He is told what to eat and when and is given toys to play with or activities to do at certain times. Vlad's opinion is not asked so he does not voice it. So, the only sounds we hear are his laughter but not much else in terms of communication.

It's just interesting to watch. Two boys with the same diagnosis but very different starts in life are now trying to navigate what it means to be brothers. It will take some time and trust from all of us. And little seeds begin to grow each day as they spend time together. Little moments like when they take turns playing with a toy that Josh puts between them. Or when Josh holds both of them and Syrus attempts a group hug that makes Vlad smile. In time. All in time. For now, they share a common love of that cell phone and for me, that's a good start.

we love our boys

2011-03-17T14:36:00.000-07:00

We are BAAAACK!!!! Online that is! The last few days have been an exhausting and emotional ride for sure. Allow me to get us all on the same page.

TUESDAY

Rather uneventful, we spent the day relaxing and picked up our permission from the SDA to visit Vlad's orphanage. We packed up and headed to the overnight train. It seemed fun at first. The four of us were packed into this teeny sleeper compartment. Even Syrus was up for it. However, once the train was in motion I discovered how LOUD it is. Sleeping, at least for me, was quickly not an option. It was simply too noisy and I was too excited to meet Vlad anyway. And I have to admit, I got pretty emotional. I was laying there, trying to sleep, and I started to reflect on everything that brought me to that point. Here I was, 7 months pregnant, riding in a sleeper car across a country in eastern Europe to adopt a little boy with Down syndrome. Sounds crazy, right? Only God could match me up with a little boy named Vlad and know that I am supposed to be his mom. And I was going to meet him the next day. I looked back over my life -- how my dad was adopted, how my mom always pushed me to champion the cause of the least, how I had worked with people with Down syndrome all through college, how my life has been all over the place the last number of years with losing both my parents, a miscarriage, and our first child born with Down syndrome -- I could go on and on. And it all seemed like these key moments and facts about my life were all leading up to this moment on this train ride to meet a little boy God knew was my son.

WEDNESDAY

Needless to say, I got NO sleep on the train. We arrived in Vlad's region and were met by this beautiful ray of sunshine, our facilitator, Marina. She whisked us into a car and took us to a place to stay for the night -- she kept saying this would not be our apartment, this would just be where we would stay for tonight. When we got there, I could see why. The location was rough and the apartment, well.... I climbed 12 flights of stairs, carrying Syrus, while Josh and Nancy carried all the luggage. We quickly got changed to hurry off to the orphanage, and I kept praying that Nancy and Syrus would be able to at least relax while we were gone even though the place was not ideal.

We went to the social worker's office and Marina told us that you never knew what questions she would ask or how long the meeting would be. We went into her office and sat down. She asked how I thought I would be able to raise a child with significant needs when I already have a child with Down syndrome and I have another on the way. So, to answer, I pulled out the photobook I made for Vlad with pictures of his new family. Well, that did it. She went CRAZY for the photobook -- how professional it looked, how it took her back to her childhood because I had put a photo with a caption like "my brother" or "my dad" under each photo. She evidently did a project called "my family" in first grade. And I entitled Vlad's photobook "my family." She asked if she could KEEP IT for a few days so she could look at it again and again! So sweet. She signed off on some paperwork and that was it! Marina kept giggling in the car. She said she had never seen the social worker have that reaction before. It was definitely good.

We got to the orphanage by driving through a bleak and downtrodden residential area. As we walked in, I was impressed from the start -- the place was very clean and quite sweet with pictures of children on the walls and lots of rooms and nannies. First, we met with the orphanage doctor who gave us a rundown of Vlad's medical history since he was born. Nothing surprising or unusual. Although again I was impressed by how many tests and vaccinations he has had -- they have really taken excellent care of him. Then a knock on the door and Marina said, "the child is here." And in Vlad came. He looked a little nervous or scared because the room was tiny and there were a bunch of adults. I took his little hand and he looked up at me with these big brown eyes. He walked over and sat on my lap. It was so sweet. Josh took out a little toy truck we brought him and I rolled it up his little leg to his tummy and there it was -- a smile. He took the truck and then threw it to the ground and started to giggle. We only spent about fifteen minutes with him and Marina asked if we were ready to begin the process, meaning did we want to adopt him. Josh said yes before I could even start to say yes. It was a perfect moment. We walked him up to his group's room (all the kids are in age groups and spend their day with their group). We opened the door and a bunch of little heads peered around the corner and started crying out, "mama" and "dada." So sweet. So many faces. Vlad went running into the room and did a victory lap as though it was FINALLY his turn, his turn for a "mama" and a "dada" and came back to the door. I knelt down to say goodbye and he threw his arms around me. The first official hug. :)

Then we were off to the notary's office to sign a bunch of paperwork to officially start the process and request a court date. We were there for over two hours. I was hitting a wall. I was exhausted and the morning had been a whirlwind. When we finally got back to the apartment, Syrus and Nancy were just waking up. I had some grapes, a granola bar, and laid down for about an hour. Then, back up to go to visit Vlad again -- this time with Nancy and Syrus.

You get a real feel for Vlad's size when you see him play with Syrus. They are about the same height -- Vlad is maybe a little bit taller. But when they are sitting next to each other, Syrus just seems bigger because he is more filled out. And Syrus just seems like the older brother somehow. He kept offering his toys to Vlad and was great about sharing us with him too. He would watch Vlad and laugh. It was really sweet. I, of course, started crying like a baby. Vlad is so tiny and he is almost two years older than Syrus. And Syrus seems older than him in part because he has been loved and has a different level of confidence about him than Vlad has. It made me weep a bit for all Vlad has missed by not having parents celebrate him and love him and cherish each wonderful new thing he has done. And it was also hard to watch Syrus at times. He was totally happy and having a great time, but I got all weird and started having "mom" guilt, wondering if Syrus was feeling confused or replaced. Totally my issue. Not Syrus's at all. The sweetest thing the two of them did, was go into this little plastic house they have in the visiting room. It has a door and little windows with shutters. The two of them were inside and kept opening and closing the shutters together with their two little faces both in the same window together. Brothers. Together for the first time.

We left and I climbed the 12 flights of stairs again and I just physically hit a wall. Everything started to ache. I got in and started to sob. Partly because I was physically exhausted. Partly because I was emotionally spent from meeting Vlad. Partly because the apartment we were staying in just seemed to be a symbol of the kind of life Vlad would have if God didn't have a crazy cool plan for him and for us. It was just rough. And I was afraid. Afraid of what we were getting into by adopting Vlad. Afraid of how I was going to be a mother of three boys. Afraid of what would happen to Vlad if we weren't here to adopt him. Just afraid. And it was okay to be afraid. Because then we sat together and ate pizza in our dumpy apartment and talked it all out. And we remembered that God has this all figured out. He has from the beginning. That's been made obvious time and time again. And I was able to breathe in and out and go to sleep, remembering again who was in charge and thus able to rest.

THURSDAY

We slept in! I woke up and my amazing amazing AMAZING husband had found a place to get me a vanilla latte. Haha! Ah, the little things. We packed up and moved. Now, Marina had told us a number of times that we were only staying in that place for one night till our permanent apartment was available. I had NO IDEA what this new apartment was like. Seriously, Marina is amazing! It is a swanky urban apartment right downtown with everything we could possibly need within walking distance. It is clean and honestly feels almost TOO nice! We went from one extreme to the next. Today I have felt like we are ready for anything. Honestly, we have slept, we have eaten, we are in a beautiful apartment, AND we have a darling new son who we spent the afternoon with -- life couldn't be sweeter.

Josh and I went to visit Vlad again today. We went to his group's room and all the heads peeked out again yelling "mama" and "dada" and around the corner came Vlad. He LOVES to be held. He sat on my lap for about 45 minutes wanting to be tickled and held -- he is such a delight. Such a sweet and tender spirit about him. And he LOVES for Josh to chase him and pick him up. He just laughs and laughs. We played with him for two hours and the time flew by.

And tonight, my sweet husband made some delicious chicken stir fry dish and we all hung out and unpacked and relaxed. Well, folks, if you made it to the end of this post which I KNOW was long, then know that life is good. We love our apartment. We love this city. We love Marina. We love the orphanage. And we love our boys.

Oh, and of course, a couple of photos. More to come. :)

i know my son

2011-03-14T13:29:00.000-07:00

Our SDA appointment was this morning. It was in a really beautiful part of town where all the photos of ornate churches and golden domed buildings are usually taken. The meeting was very brief. We met with a woman from the SDA and Serge, our facilitator. He is spectacular. Very sweet but someone you don't mess with. I love that. The woman had Vlad's file and in it wasn't much. A tiny tiny bit about his parents and that was it. There was a photo of him in there that I have never seen. Probably taken within the last year. An absolutely adorable photo of him playing at a table. He looks so sweet and so much like Syrus. Serge gave it to me to keep. The one snag we ran into at our appointment is a paperwork issue that could set us back a few days. It won't prolong our stay here in the capital or delay us meeting Vlad. It is an issue that will need to get worked out in the city where he was born. Ugh. Serge didn't seem to feel that it should be a problem. And he DEFINITELY knows what he is doing so I am going to rest in that.

We spent the rest of the day hanging out and making travel arrangements. We are taking the overnight train tomorrow night to the region where the orphanage is. And by overnight, I mean very "murder on the Orient Express" kind of overnight. We get on a train at 11pm and sleep in a private compartment, arriving in the region at 7am. Yikes! Last time I was on an overnight train was when my senior class went to Lost Valley Ranch in Colorado for senior trip. (Shout out to WCHS class of '94!!) Should be an adventure, but worth it because we will meet Vlad for the first time on Wednesday morning.

Tonight we had pizza at this awesome place in the city. All you RR people who are coming through, you HAVE to go to this place. It is tiny and right across the street from TGI Fridays. The pizza was SO good -- just like you can get on the east coast. I would eat there every night if we were staying here longer! Seriously, check it out.

So, having watched the video of Vlad dancing again, I kept getting the feeling that it wasn't him. Maybe that's why I hesitated to share it on the blog. I had the same feeling when I watched it the first time. I'm not sure why. It just didn't seem right. Maybe his size or his hair color or something. I sent it to a friend who met Vlad in the fall and she also said she's pretty sure it isn't him. Josh said the same thing.

And though I was really excited about the video yesterday, I'm not in the least bit disappointed today to figure out that it isn't Vlad. First, the fact that it isn't Vlad means that the boy in the video IS a little guy that is being adopted by my dear friend who just got her travel date! Woohoo!! (Shout out to Texas!!) And second, the fact that it isn't Vlad means I KNOW HIM. I knew somewhere inside me that the little boy in the video wasn't my son. And to feel like I know Vlad, at this stage of the game, is more priceless to me, than any adorable video footage. Pretty sweet, huh? I know my son. Now I just have to meet him.

hands full

2011-03-13T15:18:00.000-07:00

We are here! Have been since last night. The first flight was long -- we made a mad dash to make it to the second flight just in time. Syrus was a trooper on both flights. He slept and was entertained and it really couldn't have been better. Our suitcases all arrived -- it was all good.

Niko was there to meet us at the airport. He is awesome. We packed into his little car and off we went. We had one kind of shady moment where he pulled over and said, (imagine in a cool Eastern European accent) I need to have a cigarette and see a guy." He got out and stood on a busy street and sure enough "a guy" showed up. They talked for a few minutes and Niko got back in the car. Very "Bourne Identity" if you ask me. Although all he was doing was picking up the keys to our apartment. But at the moment we felt very cool.

Our apartment is really nice -- it is up a number of flights of stairs. I lose count at about seven. But it is clean and bright and spacious. We have all the things you could want -- hot water, amazing water pressure, beds for all, even a washing machine. It is great. Syrus has enjoyed investigating it for sure.

Josh and Nancy have been to the grocery store a few times -- the chocolate is wonderful and so is the fruit. Seriously, the grapes are the size of small apricots. Syrus is in heaven! For those of you who don't know, Syrus could live on grapes and cheerios if his diet was up to him.

We went out for dinner tonight which was great -- the walk was fantastic and so great to hear the language and watch all the women in their skinny jeans and stiletto-heeled boots. Tonight we hung out and watched some Seinfeld. Good times.

Tomorrow is our big SDA appointment. This is an official meeting where we find out any information about Vlad's family and his birth. And then we officially accept his referral and wait to receive the document that gives us permission to meet him at the orphanage. That document should be ready on Tuesday afternoon and then we should head out to his region. So, we are only here for another day and a half.

I can't believe we will meet Vlad on Wednesday. A friend who is adopting from the same orphanage has been there since Friday. She sent me a video of Vlad and the little guy they are adopting. It is the best thing ever because Vlad is dancing in it! And he is full of smiles -- laughing and yelling and so happy. And since all I've ever seen of him is seriousness, this was such a great sneak preview of our son before meeting him. She said that he is smiley and always coming over to talk to her. Have I mentioned how excited we are to meet Vlad? Haha! Well this video only made us more so. Although, it also crossed my mind that between Vlad and Syrus, I am really going to have my hands full. I'd say that's a good thing, wouldn't you? :)

leaving on a jet plane...

2011-03-11T09:45:00.000-08:00

Our bags are packed. Our tickets in hand. Our hearts at peace. I can't believe we leave today. Such an exciting and crazy couple of weeks are ahead of us. Syrus is sitting on the floor watching Sesame Street and I can't help but think that the next time he is doing that, Vlad could very well be sitting next to him. I don't have my heart or mind completely wrapped around it yet.

Everyone keeps asking how we are doing. I think the answer is peaceful. I feel very calm about this adventure we are taking. I'm just thrilled to meet Vlad.

Some prayer requests:

1. Easy travel -- we will arrive in Vlad's country tomorrow but we have long flights ahead of us. I am feeling physically great. I just pray that Syrus will sleep and actually enjoy the flights. He has flown many times before, but not across an ocean for such a long time!

2. Big V -- I keep thinking that Vlad is about to go through a major life transition where he is taken from everyone and everything he has ever known -- all his friends, the nannies, the food, the language. And while he is going to get a family, I'm sure he will grieve and it will be hard on his little 3 year old self.

3. Little Sy -- Syrus is also about to go through a big transition. He is getting a brother and is going to have to share his mom and dad and his place as the center of attention. I'm sure there will be some grieving on his part too.

4. Our court date -- once we meet Vlad we will wait for a court date. Once we have that court date, we are praying that the judge will waive the ten day appeal period that comes after our court date and let us take Vlad home immediately. I know this may seem to some as a ridiculous thing to hope for as the region he is in never waives the ten day wait. But, I am still going to ask God for it. I have asked Him for a lot of things that seemed equally if not more ridiculous and He always has the best answer.

5. Health for Syrus, for me, for Josh, for Nancy (Josh's mom) -- that this trip would be an amazing time of bonding with each other and with Vlad and we would stay healthy.

Thanks for all the support and encouragement from all of you -- all the comments here and on Facebook are always SUCH a huge blessing to us. We couldn't do this without the tangible embrace we have felt from all of our friends and family. I will keep the blog updated -- and of course there will be pictures and videos which are far more exciting than my ramblings. :)

So, I guess we are "leaving on a jet plane, don't know when I'll be back again" but I do know who will be coming back with us. Big V, himself -- our son, Vlad.

a word from the Director

2011-03-06T09:08:00.000-08:00

Beauty & the Beast closed last night -- it was a great production. However, I woke up today in a bit of a panic. All along I have been distracted from our adoption by directing the musical. Today that distraction is now gone and ALL I can think about is the fact that we leave on Friday. This Friday. FRIDAY!!!! And I am SO not ready -- logistically, emotionally, spiritually, every which way you can imagine. I have all the general things to do before you leave the country -- laundry, packing, last minute run to Target, etc -- but I also have all the heart things to prepare as well. I mean, this morning it started to sink in that we are going to bring a new person into our family. A son. Vlad. All this time, he has been more of an idea or dream than an actual reality. Until this morning.

I feel like I did the night Syrus was born. He was born a month early -- without notice, without time to finish preparing the nursery, without my hospital suitcase packed -- and I was suddenly thrust into a whirlwind of crying and freaking out, trying to figure out how I was going to do this when I hadn't had time to mentally prepare to be a mom. And here I am again. Sure, the process is different, but today it still feels like a shock to the system. I am going to be a mom.

And yes, I am already a mom, but not a mom to Vlad. I am a mom to Syrus -- I know what Syrus is like, which foods he refuses to eat, how he likes to be rocked to sleep, when he wants to watch Sesame Street, why he is grumpy around 5pm. I know these things because I am his mom. I have spent two years getting to know all the hairs on his head, every cry, each one of his laughs, all the needs he has. I know Syrus. But this is where my anxiety is coming from -- I don't know Vlad. Not at all. I have a few photos and bits of information about him. I've heard a few pieces about his personality. And that is all -- which is why this seems so crazy and ridiculous. That we are going to get on a plane and bring a stranger back with us!

Of course, when I think about it, I had the same vague information on Syrus when he came into the world -- I had a few ultrasound photos, but that was about it. I didn't really know him. The irony is I actually know MORE about Vlad than I did about Syrus before he was born. I know that Vlad has Down syndrome but when Syrus arrived, I was completely blindsided by the news that he had it. I know that Vlad has lived in an orphanage for 3 and a half years, taking music class and surrounded by kids his age. I know that Vlad's parents couldn't or didn't want to raise him as their son. However, I don't know if knowing all of this is more or less comforting as I take Vlad in my arms for the first time as our son.

Maybe this is the reason for my panic this morning. Having spent the last number of weeks directing the musical, I am in the habit of calling the shots and molding and shaping the story, of correcting things that just don't look right and having people listen when I say to do it this way or that way, of providing the vision and guiding the process. There is comfort in sitting in the director's chair. I don't have to TAKE direction. I give it. And here I am, about to get on a plane and go into a story where I am certainly NOT the director. At all.

Awwwww, man! Not this lesson again!! This is the lesson God is always teaching me. ALWAYS. I get to play "director" in my job but not in my life. HE is calling the shots and molding and shaping this story. HE is correcting things that don't look right and expects me to listen when He says do it this way or that way. HE is providing the vision and guiding the process. Not me. In the words of Nacho Libre, "Sucks to be me right now!"

Or does it? I am always slightly relieved when a show I am directing is over, because so is the responsibility and the worry and the organizing and the managing and the problem-solving and the late nights and, well, all of it. It's not my job anymore. I can rest and not be in charge. I can just play my part instead of direct.

Ok, God, I get what you are saying here. You have this one planned out. For me. For Vlad. For all of us. It's not my job to have all the answers and direct this one. I don't have to know Vlad. YOU know him. Every hair on his head. Every cry. Every laugh. Every need. Every piece of the story YOU have been directing in his life for the last 3 and a half years. I get to enter stage right into his life, not to direct it, but to play the part of his mom. And that IS my role. I'm not the director of his story. I'm a part of it.

And I gotta say, that takes away a lot of my anxiety all of a sudden -- just remembering who is in charge here. I guess I just needed a word from the Director. And by Director, I certainly don't mean me. :)

plane tickets, check!

2011-03-01T08:47:00.000-08:00

Well, we are working on all of the details that have to be done before we leave to meet Vlad. Making a list and checking it about a million times! Today, we got our plane tickets -- we leave on March 11th -- in ten days. Can you believe it?!

happy birthday, syrus!

2011-02-27T12:45:00.000-08:00

Two years ago today, my baby Syrus was born. It was a rainy night in February and he surprised us all by arriving a month early on opening night of the musical I was directing. And though my life was deeply changed that evening when all four pounds of him came into the world, I had no idea just how much it would change till I learned that he had an extra chromosome in his genes. That extra chromosome rocked me, grieved me, and eventually would delight me as I began to see who Syrus would become and who I would become because of him. So, today, I have a message for my little Syrus who is not so little anymore.

Syrus, my sweet sweet son, I love you more than you will ever know. You have moved me and loved me in ways I had never experienced before. You have loved off so much of my hard exterior and showed me what it means to be less controlling and more vulnerable, less bossy and more compassionate, less anxious and more hopeful. It is because of you that I have laughed louder than I ever knew I could, cried harder than I ever thought I should, and dreamed bigger than I ever felt I would. Thank you for opening my eyes and my heart to a God I believed in but struggled to trust. Thank you for pushing me to live a life of faith and welcome all the mess and patience that it requires. Thank you for introducing me to your brother, Vlad, for without you, we never would have found him. Today, I want you to know that I will always love you with an intensity you will not understand. I will always push you to live a life beyond what others think you are capable. And I will always be here to laugh, cry, and hold you every step of the way. I am so proud to be your mom. Happy Birthday.

time to travel!

2011-02-23T08:28:00.000-08:00

WE HAVE A TRAVEL DATE!!!!

MONDAY, MARCH 14th AT 10AM we have our first appointment at the SDA in Vlad's country!

I can't believe it -- the timing and everything is just way too perfect. I am SO SO thankful that God has really been putting everything in place for us in ways that are so good for us as a family. And, did I mention that I can't wait!!!! I mean, in two and a half weeks we are going to be meeting Vlad! Just like this photo I posted months ago of him in his yellow shirt trucking along back to his seat in music class, now it's OUR turn to truck along over the ocean and finally meet him.

that smile

2011-02-21T21:36:00.000-08:00

Just had to post this photo. The smile says it all. This was Syrus on Christmas. He was so excited, and giggly, and just plain giddy! However, I have to say that I see this face a lot on this boy. It is not rare. I hear him giggling and see that smile every day.

Then I got to thinking that I have no photos of Vlad where he is smiling. Not one. I have never seen that boy smile. I don't know what makes Vlad grin. I don't know what his laugh sounds like. I don't even know if he actually has teeth! But I'm hoping that one day, I will have his laugh memorized; I will know each and every one of his giggles; and that his smile and laughter will become a daily occurrence.

syrus and vlad

2011-02-16T20:06:00.000-08:00

I love this kid. Syrus. Sweet and hilarious, stubborn and bossy all wrapped into one little boy. If you have never met him, here are some of the sweet and hilarious things about him

Syrus has had a cold for the last two and a half weeks. I have a little bit of that cold because when he gives kisses they are long, slobbery, and fully planted on my face.

Syrus knows what it means to "be nice" because when I tell him to do so, he makes a soft little "ahhhh" sound and slowly pets your hair.

Syrus frequently drags me to the piano to play a duet and plays his tambourine whenever an episode of GLEE is on the television.

Syrus loves to ride on his dad's shoulders, holding onto fistfuls of his dad's hair.

And Syrus is about to get a brother named Vlad from the other side of the world.

After an afternoon with Syrus, Vlad will surely know what kisses, being nice, riding on dad's shoulders, and GLEE are. Vlad has no idea what is about to come into his life. But he is about to understand what it means to be loved and bossed around by a little brother and that is going to change his world.

Syrus and Vlad. I can't wait to watch.

DOSSIER SUBMITTED!

2011-02-11T08:17:00.001-08:00

So I guess I should probably mention that WE WERE SUBMITTED YESTERDAY!!!! I didn't find out till late last night and I am still in the "I can't believe it" phase. :) I couldn't sleep the night before and I was a wreck all day yesterday, obsessively checking my email to see if we got THE news. And nothing. So I assumed it was a big no.

Then late last night, I got on the Reece's Rainbow website to stalk everyone's statuses and blogs and see who DID get submitted. And there it was! On our family profile! In red letters! DOSSIER SUBMITTED! Go here to see it for yourself! God is SO good. Everything has just fallen into place in the last couple months and I am so grateful for all your prayers and all His grace.

Now we wait to hear our date to appear in Vlad's country! We should hear in the next week or two! Vlad, my sweetheart, here we come!!!!

Alexander has a family!

2011-02-09T19:14:00.001-08:00

I have the BEST NEWS EVER!!!! I am SO excited to share that Alexander has a family!!!! Remember the little guy who I shared with you last week? Well, he is about to get a family and they are awesome! They will be a perfect fit for Alexander. I can't say anymore or share any details yet, but what an answer to prayer! I can't wait till that sweet smile is not just for a photo but because he is meeting his family for the first time and finally being rescued from life in an institution. Woohoo!!

my son...

2011-02-07T20:49:00.000-08:00

Well, friends, this is the week our paperwork should be submitted to adopt Vlad. We are hoping and praying that our dossier will be submitted officially to his country on Thursday! And then we find out when we will get to meet Vlad -- I can't even believe we are at this point. I am so excited to meet this kid and hug him for the very first time. I've been going back through the few pictures I have of him -- trying to figure out if this is even what he will look like in person. I don't really care anymore -- a picture can't tell me what I already know -- that he is my son. :)

heartbroken...

2011-02-04T08:42:00.000-08:00

I haven't posted in a number of days. I haven't had the words to express how heartbroken I am over a little boy. Even now I don't have the words but I can't keep waiting around. He doesn't have the time. This is Alexander.

He has down syndrome, is 5 years old, and a few months ago he was transferred to a mental institution. I have seen his photo a number of times on Reece's Rainbow and always thought he had a cute smile. And that's where it ended for me. Then I saw this video of Alexander while he was still at the orphanage and my heart was broken into a million pieces. It is short. Please watch it.

That sweet face. That big smile. That beautiful spirit. I wish we could bring him home with Vlad. But at this point in the process, it just can't happen. We would have to wait till Vlad's adoption is complete. And that means Alexander would have to wait. And that just breaks my heart all over again and fills me with a level of anger that just hurts.

I hate that he is waiting.

I hate that no one has picked him to be part of a family.

I hate that I am heartbroken and yet I am so helpless to change his situation.

I hate that this feels like when my mom was dying and there was nothing I could do but watch.

I don't want to stand by and watch. I want to do something for I know deep in my heart that God loves this little boy far more than I ever could and His plan for Alexander is somehow perfect though I can't see it yet. All I can see is that he needs a family and someone to love and protect that face, that smile, that spirit.

Alexander is listed here on Reece's Rainbow. If you want more information about him or how to adopt him, PLEASE contact me. I will do anything I can to get this sweet boy a family.

i can't wait

2011-01-30T19:58:00.001-08:00

Not much to report here. We are waiting.

I am busy directing Beauty and the Beast, Syrus is walking more and more and definitely becoming a two year old (which has its positives and negatives), Josh is hard at work building the set for the show, and Vlad is going about his day-to-day routine in the orphanage. The boys' bedroom is coming together slowly -- a pirate themed room for Big V and Little Sy -- and it is helping me prepare for Vlad's arrival since I don't have paperwork to do to feel like progress is being made.

I keep looking at Syrus and trying to imagine Vlad playing next to him, or the two of them splashing in the tub together, or tucking them in at night. It won't be long now before two little boys are running around, tearing up our house, laughing and arguing, being brothers and playmates and friends. I can't wait.

the dossier has arrived!

2011-01-24T10:58:00.000-08:00

It set foot in the Ukraine today -- anyone who is thinking about how to send your dossier, I highly recommend UPS. We mailed it on Friday and it arrived today, safe and sound. On to the translation phase. :)

the dossier has left the building!

2011-01-21T11:14:00.000-08:00

Just had to shout from the rooftop that

TODAY WE MAILED OUR DOSSIER TO VLAD'S COUNTRY!!!!

All the paperwork from the last five months is now complete, and headed across a large ocean. All there is left to do is wait to be submitted officially to his country (hopefully on February 10th when it reopens after the holiday) and then get a date to travel. I honestly can't believe it! I don't know what to do with myself. But it sure feels good! :)

update!

2011-01-19T12:05:00.000-08:00

Guess what arrived!!! I have the 171h (immigration approval) in hand!!! Woohoo!!!!

The only problem is that today Vlad's country changed one of the documents that needs to be included in the dossier. BOOOOOOO!!!!! So, we have to get ONE MORE document and then we can send the dossier. Hopefully we can get that document in the next few days and send the dossier next week.

But I am still encouraged because the main piece that we have waited two months for has finally arrived!

And soon, the little boy that we have waited five months for will be here!!!!

please arrive today! :)

2011-01-19T08:02:00.000-08:00

So last week was an amazing week -- so many things fell exactly into place for us in terms of the adoption. Now we are hoping for a few things to fall into place this week, specifically, a timeline of events that would be awesome!

THE TIMELINE:

TODAY -- receive 171h (immigration approval document) -- it hasn't arrived yet, but I'm hoping to see it in the mailbox today!

TOMORROW -- Josh drives to Chicago to take the 171h to get apostilled (the golden seal from Illinois) -- he can only go on Thursday mornings because of his work schedule

FRIDAY -- the dossier (our paperwork to adopt Vlad) is mailed to Vlad's country

NEXT WEEK -- our dossier arrives in Vlad's country and is translated

FEBRUARY 10th -- we are officially submitted to the SDA (State Department of Adoptions) -- this is the first day that Vlad's country is open for submissions

This timeline all depends on the 171h arriving today -- so, if you are looking for a hidden prayer request somewhere in this post, that is it! Please pray the 171h arrives today! :)

here we come!

2011-01-17T21:53:00.000-08:00

I got an email last Thursday from our immigration officer that we have been approved!! And all of our dossier documents have been approved and apostilled (given the gold seal from the state of Illinois required by foreign countries)!

What does all this mean?

It means that once our immigration approval (the 171h document) arrives in the mail, then we will send our dossier to Vlad's country where it will be translated and officially submitted. AND THEN WE WAIT FOR A TRAVEL DATE!!!!

Get ready, little man! Here we come!

a fingerprinting tale :)

2011-01-11T19:47:00.000-08:00

If you've seen Seinfeld, you are familiar with the "Soup Nazi" episode -- a man who sells soup only on his terms and if he doesn't like you, he yells, "No soup for you!" Well, today, I met the fingerprinting nazi. :) And I survived!

I should preface this story with an important fact. While many fingerprinting offices are completely fine with walk-ins, the office where I was scheduled is known to NOT allow them. I have heard stories where a couple has tried to walk-in at this particular office, and the woman behind the desk says, "I have to ask my supervisor." And his response is, "There is a reason why we give out appointments." In other words, you can forget it. Come back for your scheduled appointment. I knew this going in today, and knew that this was a long shot.

We got to the fingerprinting place before it opened and it was packed. The last time we went, there was literally no one there -- we were in and out in ten minutes. This time, there was a crowd of people waiting outside before it was even open. I figured we were sunk. We got in line and I prepped my fingerprinting notice, driver's license, and large pregnant stomach in case I needed it. As I got to the front desk, the woman behind the desk looked at my paperwork and saw that my appointment was not for today and said, "Why are you here?" I said, "We are trying to adopt a little boy with special needs and I need to travel as soon as possible because I am pregnant." She paused and I knew it was going to be yes or no. Instead, she said the dreaded words, "I need to talk to my supervisor. Have a seat." And she put my paperwork up on a shelf.

We sat down and she moved other people through the line. And then from out of his office, came the supervisor, a.k.a. the fingerprinting nazi. The woman behind the desk motioned for him to come over and I began watching and listening to the conversation. She showed him our paperwork. He sort of scoffed and asked, "How many appointments do we have today?" She said, "135." He asked, "Where is she?" So, I waved to him with one hand and placed the other hand on my one hope -- the pregnant belly. He paused and looked at my paperwork and said, "You'll have to wait." I said, "No problem." And then he disappeared into his office and closed the door.

The woman behind the desk finished processing all of the people in the line. Every seat in the waiting area was full. Numbers were being called and people were getting fingerprinted all around me. Josh and I tried to figure out what "you'll have to wait" meant -- wait till there was room? wait till the end of the day? wait till my appointment?

AND THEN, I watched the woman behind the desk, who had finished with everyone in line, glance one way and then another. She glanced at the supervisor's closed office door, and then beckoned me over. She said, "I can take you now." I said, "Thank you SO much." Then she smiled and said, "And you are having a boy." She got my paperwork for me, gave me a number, and off I went to get fingerprinted.

Ten minutes later I was out of there before the supervisor's door had the chance to open again. And I immediately began running around in the parking lot, dancing what I'm sure looked like quite an unusual sight outside a government building in a strip mall. And Josh just smiled and laughed, both of us blown away by the miracle we experienced in the immigration office.

Thanks to all who prayed for us today and thanks to you, woman behind the desk, who snuck me in before the supervisor could say, "No fingerprinting for you!." Ha!

need prayer please!

2011-01-10T20:12:00.001-08:00

So, I have to be fingerprinted again for Immigration. I just received the notice. This is NOT good news. Why? It could potentially delay us another four to six weeks. They gave me a date to be fingerprinted on January 31st. That is THREE WEEKS from today for the appointment. Then we would have to wait another week or two after that to receive the approval. This puts us into the middle of February. Which would then put us traveling in the middle to end of March or early April. I will be 7 months pregnant in the middle of March and 8 months pregnant in the middle of April. So, you can see why we need to travel as soon as possible....

SO, I am going to try to walk-in tomorrow morning and get fingerprinted early. I am praying they will take me tomorrow morning and I won't have to wait till January 31st. Please pray for me tomorrow morning. At 8am I am going to walk-in and hopefully someone there will have compassion on our situation and say YES to fingerprinting. Please pray. :)

good news

2011-01-03T20:45:00.000-08:00

So, the vote has been scheduled for January 11th -- a week from tomorrow. As I understand, it is NOT a vote as to whether or not to stop adoptions. It IS a vote as to whether or not to change the process of adoptions. In other words, if Vlad's country becomes a Hague country, then the process to adopt him would change. HOWEVER, because we have already started the process, it looks like we would NOT be impacted by a new process, but we would instead be able to finish our adoption under the original process. Does that make sense? Haha! I feel like it is a bunch of sentences that basically say, "Good News, your adoption should continue as planned!" What a relief, huh?!

And good news, Syrus is getting more and more comfortable walking on his own. He gets so excited and begins to make a sound somewhere between a wheeze and a laugh. It's awesome.

I love good news.

oh boy...

2010-12-29T12:00:00.000-08:00

So, anyone have a carseat for a 3.5 year old?

How about two convertible crib/toddler beds?

A double stroller?

A mini-van? :)

I'm starting to realize the number of items we don't have and the cost. Yikes. I know we have raised the money to adopt Vlad which is awesome, now I'm trying to figure out where the rest of these things will come from..... :)

Especially on Christmas...

2010-12-26T22:30:00.000-08:00

The holidays are a bit bittersweet for me. I seem to do alright in the day-to-day routine of life. But I become intensely aware of the absence of my parents on days when parents are supposed to be there, like Christmas. I am on edge all day because I know at some point I will miss them and I hate missing them. It hurts too much.

But I'll tell you what makes Christmas quite sweet -- matching Paul Frank monkey pajamas and the presence of Syrus.

I mean who doesn't love a new pair of pajamas and how cool are you when you match with the people you love the most. Who couldn't help but smile just a little.

And then there is Syrus. Syrus is like a flood of healing for me -- his presence filling the absence of my parents. Not replacing them, but pushing into my wounded heart and soothing it over and over again. This little child doesn't realize just how much he mends and heals me with his zest for life, his love for me, his joyful giggle, his boundless energy, his sense of humor, and his desire to discover all the world's secrets -- all things that grief has tried to kill in me. And that Syrus is reminding me to have each day. Especially on days like Christmas.

the vote

2010-12-22T21:18:00.001-08:00

No word on the vote -- it seems that it didn't happen today. It may be happening tomorrow morning instead (well, in a few hours since they are 8 hours ahead). If not, it will probably be postponed till mid-January. On one hand, this vote is definitely good for me -- I mean I REALLY have to just rely on God in this situation since I know nothing and have zero control over the outcome. All I can do is pray for my sweet Vlad and that his country will allow us to bring him home. Please pray with me, my friends. :)

Making a list, and checking it twice

2010-12-20T19:53:00.000-08:00

Santa isn't the only one with a list. I have mine too -- a list of what has happened over the last 10 days. I just keep going back over it -- what a blessing!

Here is my list:

*First semester ended and finals have been graded.

*Syrus sat on Santa's lap -- hilarious pictures to be shared. :)

*Christmas shopping is SO close to done!

*I got almost our entire dossier approved! Just a couple documents left.

*On Wednesday we have our immigration fingerprints.

*Got our blood tests done for our dossier.

*Syrus has taken five steps in a row!

*All the money has been raised to adopt Vlad -- such a humbling miracle!

*And I have been praying and praying for the vote in the Ukraine.

Ah yes, the vote. It is currently scheduled for Wednesday the 22nd in the morning (which would be somewhere between midnight and 4am our time). I am trying so hard to NOT panic and cry all the time. That is my usual go-to in a time like this. I really want to trust in God's plan -- I just feel like I have had my heart ripped out so many times in the last three years that trusting Him isn't my go-to for sure. It's usually my last move after I have completely lost it. :) So, yeah, "working on trusting God with my son Vlad so that we can adopt him" is definitely going on my list of things to work on for this week. :)

no words

2010-12-09T21:26:00.000-08:00

I feel like I should write something tonight, but I'm not sure what to say. On the one hand, there is much celebrating to do. Thanks to all of you who have so generously given money to completely fund Vlad's adoption!!! I don't have the words to express how thankful we are to be surrounded by people who have given so generously to a little boy on the other side of the world so that he could have a family -- our family. Words seem so trite. Perhaps when you see his little face in our home, that will be thanks enough. :)

And little Brady has a family! I wrote about him a few weeks ago -- he is a six year old boy with Down Syndrome who is in an institution. He is a boy I think of and cry for all too often. And now he is a boy with a family. God is good. I have no other words.

And in the midst of all the celebrating, there are talks of the Ukraine voting to shut down all international adoptions. They have talked about this in the past but this time it is different. This time no one knows IF it will happen, WHEN it would happen, and HOW LONG it would last. They want to become a Hague country which is good in theory but the process to do so would mean shutting down all adoptions indefinitely. Again, I am at a loss for words. We are so close to traveling to get Vlad. And he is so close to being transferred to an institution. We have the money. We have the paperwork almost in hand. We have little clothes and a bedroom waiting. And now this.

Please pray for the vote in the Ukraine -- it was scheduled for next week and now has been postponed to the week of Christmas. Please pray that they would continue to allow adoptions rather than stopping them indefinitely. Please pray that we would get to Vlad in time. Please pray for I have no words to describe the heartbreak both we and Vlad would experience. Please pray. Just pray.

christmas time is here again...

2010-12-05T12:24:00.001-08:00

I love how things like traditions and memories get passed from one generation to another. Yesterday we took Syrus to get a Christmas tree and he wore a sweater and hat that were his dad's when he was little -- hand-knit by Pie who was Syrus's great grandmother.

And today we have been decorating the tree, unearthing ornaments that my parents used to hang on our tree when I was little. Syrus was especially interested in the Sesame Street ornaments that I loved as a child. And today he helped to hang them on our tree.

I can't wait for Vlad to enter into the traditions and memories of our family -- he will have these special things passed to him because he will have a family to share it all. He will wear his dad's baby clothes and pick out his favorite ornament next year when Christmas time is here again.

trucking along

2010-12-01T11:35:00.000-08:00

I love this photo of Vlad -- sure it's from far away and he's not looking at the camera or anything. But still I love that he is in his half-tucked in yellow shirt, blue shorts, and gray tights, and he is trucking along back to his place with the kids.

This is what I imagine him looking like when I meet him for the first time -- I picture him with the same half-smile on his face, walking with big strides right into my arms and me pulling him close for the first of many hugs. How sweet it will be for him to come trucking along back to his place with the Buricks.

God's blessings just continue...

2010-11-30T19:17:00.000-08:00

So I had an AMAZING conversation with Immigration (USCIS). I called to see how our application was moving and a woman answered the phone. She looked for our case and said that it had not yet been assigned to an officer yet. I was of course disappointed and explained to her how Vlad's country is considering becoming a Hague country and that would mean it would close down on international adoptions for who knows how long. She said she knew about the situation and would speak with her supervisor and call me back on my cell phone. I hung up the phone thinking, "Yeah, right. She'll never call me back."

Boy was I wrong! A few hours later she called and said she opened our file and saw the photo of Vlad I had sent in with our application. She went on and on about adorable he is and said SHE requested to be our assigned officer and her supervisor said yes! She gave me our fingerprinting appointments and said she already looked over our application and homestudy and everything looks good! She needs one minor detail added to our homestudy and then once we have our fingerprints done, she will approve us! How amazing is that! She gave me her name and said to "call if I need anything or if there is anything else she can do to help us adopt this adorable little boy." I was FREAKING OUT!!! I have heard horror stories about immigration but evidently ours will not be one of them. What an incredible blessing!

AND, our sweet homestudy social worker sent me this poem because she said it reminded her of Vlad. She is another example of one of the blessings God has placed on this road to adopt sweet Vlad. I get emotional every time I read this.

I hold you in my heart and touch you in my dreams.
You are here each day with me, at least that's how it seems.

I know you wonder where we are... what's taking us so long.
But remember child, I love you so and God will keep you strong.

Now go outside and feel the breeze and let it touch your skin...
Because tonight, just as always, I blow you kisses in the wind.

May God hold you in His hand until I can be with you.
I promise you, my darling, I'm doing all that I can do.

Very soon, you'll have a family for real, not just pretend.
But for tonight, just as always, I blow you kisses in the wind.

May God wrap you in His arms and hold you very tight.
And let the angels bring the kisses that I send to you each night.

--- Unknown

little syrus

2010-11-26T13:40:00.001-08:00

This face. So thankful for this face. My son, Syrus. I am so thankful for him, for his brother Vlad across the ocean, for the new little one arriving in June. And I am so thankful for my sweet husband who has taken care of me over the last three days as I have struggled with major nausea -- it has been rough. Josh has been amazing as usual. The most selfless and generous man I know. I've had a lot of time to think while I have been sick and I have been reminded again and again of how good the Lord has been to me and my family. How He is always there to walk me through the next step or to help me jump the next hurdle or to carry me across the next raging river. And I see it all the time when I look into the eyes of my son. It's like he knows the secrets of who God is and what He is doing way before I do. Syrus crawls up to snuggle with me when I am feeling the worst and makes me laugh when I am feeling particularly cynical. This kid and God are definitely on the same team. And it's good to know they are rooting for me. :)

check out these blogs

2010-11-21T13:39:00.000-08:00

First is Danil's family -- he is the sweet little boy at Vlad's orphanage who was about to be transferred to an institution, but not anymore. His parents are Jessica and Josh and their blog is http://jeremiah18-4.blogspot.com

Then there is Angel's family -- she is the little beauty with HIV at Vlad's orphanage who is now going to be adopted. Her parents are Brandy and Michael and their blog is http://www.hopeinthegrief.blogspot.com

Lastly, you should really see Julia and Rob's blog. They recently adopted a little boy named Aaron who had been transferred to an institution -- the same institution where little Brady is. If you want any information about Brady, they have so many amazing and heartfelt stories about him. Every time I read their blog, I am moved by their love for Brady and their passion to advocate for him and so many other little ones. Their blog is http://covenantbuilders.blogspot.com

he got his blanket :)

2010-11-18T08:08:00.000-08:00

On Monday, Vlad got the blanket we sent him. My friend wasn't allowed to take any photos, but she said when the nanny gave it to him, he put it on his face to feel how soft it is. How sweet is that?! And she showed the nanny photos of our family and told her we are adopting Vlad. The nanny began to cry and hugged and kissed my friend! It's so good to know that someone besides me really loves Vlad. And to know that at night he is snuggled under a blanket from his mom.

first ride at Disney...

2010-11-15T14:12:00.000-08:00

I just got back from a wonderful trip to Florida with my students -- so many wonderful moments all packed into five days or so. And yet, in the midst of performances and taking Syrus on his first ride at Disney World, I couldn't get this little boy out of my head. I found myself weeping at night for him. Just weeping. His name is Brady.

"Brady is a tiny six year old who has already been transferred from the relative safety and comfort of his baby house to a mental institute for boys ages 6-18. He is a friendly, active and energetic little fellow. His DS has given him a tongue thrust that makes it difficult for him to swallow, but he manages.

Brady is the youngest boy in his group at his underfunded, understaffed institute. There are only 2 workers to manage all of the needs of the 26 very needy boys in his group. Because of this, the boys are restricted all day, every day. Brady is not free to run, play, jump or climb. There are no swing sets, slides, toys or books for him to enjoy.Brady has reacted to all of these restrictions as any other freedom-loving toddler would: he has become an escape artist. He ducks under the outstretched arms of caretakers to get away from the dull existence they impose upon him. He dodges the grasping hands of the older boys in his group a hundred times a day as he runs for the door.

Why is Brady so intent upon escape? Because he knows that there is a better life for him somewhere. He has not lived at his present institute forever. For five years, he lived at a baby house with children of his own age. He had toys. He had a playground and daily activities. He watched mothers and fathers come to visit. He watched adoptive parents come to gather other children into their homes. Brady knows what a mother is, and he wants and needs one so badly that he will climb from his chair up onto the table, trying to fold himself into the arms of a visiting mother.

The caretakers at Brady’s institute call the Down Syndrome boys their “Sunshine Boys” because they are the only source of joy in that dull, desperate place. Brady is the best possible example of a Sunshine Boy. He will add joy to any home. He has a heart full of love, and he is ready and willing to give that whole heart to the first mama and papa who offer him theirs."

I am hoping and praying and crying out to God that Brady's mom and dad will see this and go get him. He deserves to have his family take him on his first ride at Disney World too.

and we're off!

2010-11-08T17:33:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow is a big day. Tomorrow I am taking the Furnace Company (35 high school students who do comedy improv and dance) on a trip to Florida for five days. They have 8 performances in 3 days, and we are stopping at Disney World as well. Syrus is of course coming on this trip. He will get to meet Mickey Mouse -- I can't wait to see his face!

There is one performance I am really looking forward to more than the others on this trip. We are performing at Community Haven for 100 adults with disabilities and then for 4 and 5 year olds with disabilities. My students have never done anything like this. It's about time. It's funny how much your children change you. It's pretty obvious that Syrus and Vlad have their influence all over me. :)

Tomorrow is also the day that all of our immigration documents will finally be sent off. It is about time. Everything is in order. Signed and sealed. Now it just needs to be delivered.

So yes, tomorrow we are off! Off to Florida with Syrus and the Furnace Company and off to the immigration world to get Vlad!

"Approved!!" (said in the Target Lady voice from SNL)

2010-11-04T15:44:00.000-07:00

Yep! It came in the mail today! We have been approved by DCFS!!! What does that mean? Well, in the state of Illinois, you have to have your homestudy approved in order to submit it to Immigration. There are only two states that require this step in the process, and, of course, Illinois is one of them. Usually it takes 6 weeks to 3 months to get your homestudy approved by DCFS, which is why Illinois is one of the most difficult states in terms of the adoption process. However, we were approved in just TWO WEEKS!!! Now, our homestudy will be off to immigration for the next approval which also takes about 6 weeks to 3 months to receive. But hey, for Illinois, we are ahead of the game. :)

miss angel

2010-11-03T18:58:00.000-07:00

I am so excited to say that Angel has a family! I posted her and a number of other little ones at Vlad's orphanage who are facing the institution a couple of weeks ago. Then a sweet woman emailed me this weekend and asked about the situation. And now she is going to be Angel's mom! So amazing! As soon as they have a blog, I will post it so you can follow their amazing story. Another one rescued.

um, yes!!!

2010-11-01T20:36:00.000-07:00

There he is! In the yellow shirt! In music class! My son, Vlad! Can you believe it? I had to blink a number of times when I found this in my email today from my dear friend. What a relief to see him still at the orphanage hanging out with other kids. He looks teeny but so sweet. Those dark eyes, blond hair, and little hands. I love him. Can't wait to see that face in person, take him in my arms, and whisper in his ear that Mama is here.

the Ewok

2010-10-30T14:15:00.001-07:00

For his last Halloween as an only child, Syrus went as an Ewok. He rode a pony at Sonny Acres and spent time with his new friend Ragen who is also getting a new sibling from Reece's Rainbow. Her parents Deanna and Rob are adopting Melanie and we had such a blast getting to know them this morning and sharing our surprisingly similar journeys with our kids and our adoptions.

It is such a joy and relief to find people who are on the same path as you who you really connect with and enjoy. I felt like Deanna and I kept nodding our heads as the other one would share a piece of our stories from finding out our babies had Down Syndrome to discovering Reece's Rainbow. It was such a breath of fresh air to laugh and just enjoy one another's company. Can't wait to hang out with them again -- and hopefully travel together to get Melanie and Vlad! To follow their adoption journey and see pictures of their beautiful daughter Ragen, visit their blog at http://www.the21stchromosomeablessingindesguise.blogspot.com/

And yes, the Ewok will venture forth again, this time to go trick-or-treating! :)

to be your mom

2010-10-26T21:12:00.000-07:00

I find myself sad tonight, missing Vlad, longing to be his mom. It's funny how you can miss someone, love someone, ache for someone you only know in a photograph. All I know is that he is my son and he still seems so far away. There are only a few days left in October and we have yet to send our application to immigration because our homestudy has yet to be approved by DCFS. Our window of time is about to close. Not forever by any means. It would mean we couldn't submit our documents until February instead of in November. It means we couldn't travel until March instead of in December. And while this seems like only a few months, tonight it feels like an eternity.

I'm not sure why I am feeling all of this tonight. Perhaps it is because Syrus just woke up from a deep sleep with loud sad crying. After holding him and rocking him, kissing his little tousled head and singing to him, he fell back to sleep and I tucked him into his crib. These are the things I am longing to do for Vlad. I just want him here. Don't know how else to say it. But I know these feelings all too well. They are called GRIEF. I am grieving. Grieving for the three and a half years I have missed with Vlad. Grieving for the next few months I will again miss with him. I don't want to miss anymore.

I just want my son. So bad the tears pour down my face and my heart just hurts. In part because I am not the only one waiting. He is too. I don't want him to wait anymore. He has waited long enough. And believe me, I know what it is like to miss your mom and want her there more than anything. In some ways it can't be described unless you have felt it and tasted it and cried it, night after night. Both of us have been missing our moms for three and a half years. And I'm tired of it. I know what it feels like and I don't want him to feel it anymore. I want our lives together to start. I want to know him and what makes him smile and laugh. I want to be there to pick him up from preschool and take him to get new jeans for the first day. I want to watch him go down the slide with little Sy and catch the two of them at the bottom.

So, tonight I want to say to Vlad that we are coming, sweetheart. Not as soon as I had hoped. But we are coming. I promise. And I can't wait to see your face and tell you just how much you are loved and how excited I am that God picked me to be your mom. That's right, YOUR mom.

So exciting -- both of my boys

2010-10-25T08:49:00.001-07:00

BIG V update:

Not much to report in terms of the adoption paperwork -- our homestudy is at DCFS waiting to be approved. So we are waiting. Waiting to get Vlad. However, a friend of mine who is adopting from the same orphanage spotted him in a music class with the rest of his group. No pictures of him yet. But she is hoping to give him his blanket this week. So exciting.

LITTLE SY update:

This has been a major week for Syrus. He got his passport in the mail AND he has been standing up on his own without holding on to anything. This is a big deal! Once he gets himself in a standing position, he gets so excited that he topples over. Cutest thing ever! So exciting.

these are the faces of children about to be transferred to an institution

2010-10-19T20:08:00.000-07:00

Angel has HIV -- she is three years old

Parker has HIV -- he is four years old

Kirk has HIV -- he is four years old

Lori has HIV -- she is four years old

Irina has Fetal Alchohol Syndrome -- she is five years old and has a lively spirit that will wither in an institution

Preston will be bedridden in an institution for the rest of his life -- he is only four years old and should have a chance for more

Kyle has minimal health issues -- he is almost five years old and won't have the same life he would with a family of his own

Eric will be bedridden in an institution for the rest of his life -- he is four years old and needs the love and care of a family

Tanner has one functioning kidney -- he is only three years old

All of these children are in the same orphanage with Vlad. The orphanage is overcrowded and the institution has room. So these little ones will be sent to the institution in November. Unless....

Unless someone takes a leap of faith.

Unless someone sees their son or daughter in one of these faces.

Unless someone makes a move to save one of these little children from a short life in an institution considered to be one of the worst.

Visit http://www.reecesrainbow.org to find out more about these little ones or contact me and I can give you information.

Let's find families for these faces.

life as a supermodel

2010-10-18T20:48:00.000-07:00

Ok, this may be a bit shameless, but I really think it would be cool if a kid with Down Syndrome was the gap baby this year. (And I think it should be MY kid!) :)

Vote for Syrus! Who can resist this shot from his passport photo shoot?! You can vote once a day for as many days as you can.

So, cast your vote by clicking on the link below!

http://www.gapcastingcall.com/GapCastingCall/EntryDetail.html?id=442524

I LOVE NY

2010-10-18T19:01:00.000-07:00

Well, ladies and gentlemen, we have NY!!!! It is about time! That means that tomorrow our homestudy will be sent to DCFS for approval. Now, we're moving. :)

no pressure...

2010-10-13T10:51:00.000-07:00

Out-of-state clearances, how I despise thee! However, I have warmed up to a few. Yesterday we received PA, MA, and CA which is pretty sweet. We have five of the six states done.

And thus we wait on the dreaded NY....

On a way cooler note, my good friend Mel is in the Ukraine this week. She will be going to Vlad's orphanage with his blanket. I can't wait! Maybe she will even get a photo of Vlad with his blanket. No pressure or anything, Mel. :)

It's about time

2010-10-11T07:28:00.000-07:00

Guess who has a family!!!!! I know. Not hard to guess when his photo is right here. But I'll say it anyway. DANIL HAS A FAMILY!!!! This is such a huge answer to prayer. Josh and I have been praying and weeping for this little boy for the past couple of months, knowing he would be transferred to an institution in November. Yet, all along God knew that his family was coming for him. And they are such an amazing family -- we have been emailing all weekend and I can't wait for you to meet them.

It's funny. Part of my agonizing over Danil dealt with the fact that I couldn't bear that his story would end in an institution. I couldn't accept that God would allow that to be how his little life would end. I didn't want to believe in a God like that. I have wrestled with God over this and cried out to him every day for this little boy. The problem was that I wanted to write Danil's story. I didn't trust that God could handle it because He wasn't taking the plot in a direction I liked. And here God is showing me who He is and that Danil's story is even more powerful because at the eleventh hour, his family found him. God is a much better storyteller than me. He has reminded me of that a lot over the past three years. This little boy is helping that to really sink in for me. It's about time.

Vlad, I'm coming too!

2010-10-09T11:22:00.001-07:00

Guess who is going to the Ukraine with us? That's right, Little Sy got his passport photos taken today and turned in his application so that he can go with us to get his big brother. He was pretty excited, and looking pretty fly in his shirt and tie -- very Justin Timberlake. We had such a great experience at the post office with the woman who processed his application.

I wish I could say the same for all the people we have talked to this week about the out-of-state clearances, but unfortunately it has been quite rough. We need clearances from six different states, and as of today, we have them from only two states -- Indiana and Texas. We are still waiting on California, Pennsylvania, Massachusetts, and the dreaded New York. Please pray that those will come this week. It has been very defeating to say the least. So, it was nice to have such an easy time applying for Sy's passport today. And great to see this smile -- I can't wait for the brothers to finally meet.

waiting

2010-10-06T10:15:00.000-07:00

We had our last homestudy appointment on Monday -- it was great. We have had such a great experience with our social worker and the whole agency. I can't believe it is done. Well.... done except for the out-of-state clearances. We are STILL waiting on those. Every day is precious and we need each one. I just keep praying that God will hand deliver them to us so our homestudy can be officially done and on its way to DCFS.

Ugh. I hate waiting.

I hated it when my dad was sick. I hated it when my mom was on the transplant list. I hated it when Syrus was getting tested for Down Syndrome. I just hate it. And yet, I know that there is something mysteriously good in the midst of the waiting. I know it provides me with an undeniable opportunity to do what I am told -- to wait on the Lord. Not wait on state governments or immigration or Ukrainian bureaucracy, but wait on the Lord.

My focus always seems to go straight to my obstacle to try to solve the problem and climb over it myself. I am the classic control freak after all. Yet, I knew when I got into this adoption process that there would be a built-in waiting time. There was no way around that. So, rather than trying to change my waiting time, I am going to USE my waiting time. I am not going to stress out every day by running to the mail box, making five million phone calls for updates, pacing around my home worrying. I will not direct my waiting at these things. I will direct my waiting to the Lord.

(Not sure what that's going to look like yet, but it sure feels good.)

let it snow...

2010-10-02T19:59:00.000-07:00

October is finally here and we are closer to bringing Vlad home. Our last homestudy appointment is on Monday. We are praying that all of the documentation and paperwork has arrived so that it will be ready to send off to DCFS by Tuesday. Please pray that all of the state police clearances come in -- we need them for EVERY adult that lives in our home, for EVERY state they have ever lived in. As many of you know, we have six adults living in our house -- Josh's parents, my sister and her husband, Josh and me. And though it does mean extra paperwork, we wouldn't change the fact that they all share our home for anything. They are each so dear. And on a cold Saturday night, all of us are curled up watching the Notre Dame game together and listening to the wind howling outside.

I love that there is a chill in the air -- this year more than ever I am looking forward to snow. Snow will be a sign that Vlad will soon be home. A friend of mine shared that she had a dream about Vlad the other night. She saw him smiling and laughing while snow fell around him. Such an innocent and sweet dream.

So, yeah. I'm really looking forward to snow. :)

holding pattern

2010-09-27T20:28:00.000-07:00

We are really moving along! Please continue to pray for our paperwork to move quickly. We are about a week away from having our homestudy complete, and then everything goes off into the hands of the government for approval. It is so exciting to see everything wrapping up but now we enter into a weird governmental holding pattern. I am just trusting God and his timing. The story of my life, right? :)

And in the midst of all of our paperwork coming together, my heart still breaks for Danil. It seems I am in a holding pattern here too -- I can't stop thinking about him and weeping for him and begging God to intervene and give him a family. He is about a month away from being transferred to a mental institution for the rest of his life. It is beyond my realm of understanding to think that this would happen to him when he is only four years old. He should have the rest of his life ahead of him -- Christmas presents, birthday cakes, first days of school, bike rides, tree forts, all the things that you have when you are a little boy with a family that loves you. Danil should have all of that.

Now let me make it clear that the paperwork and fundraising do NOT have to be complete in a month in order to adopt him. He just needs to have a family step up and decide to adopt him and the orphanage will hold him -- hold him in their arms until you can.

I can't wait to hold Vlad in my arms for the first time. To put him in a pair of jeans and a Notre Dame jersey. To see him come running down our driveway when I come home from musical rehearsal. To hear him playing in his room with Syrus. To rock him to sleep at night. To just be his mom and hold him. That's the kind of holding pattern I long for....

And I am hoping that out there, somewhere, someone with just a little bit of faith in a big God will hold Danil too.

blankets and brothers

2010-09-22T22:07:00.000-07:00

Highlights of the last few days:

1. People keeps donating to our adoption fund. Thank you to whoever you are. God is using you to save Vlad from an unthinkable life. Thank you.

2. One of my favorite moments was I sent a blanket to Vlad with his name on it -- it will be the one thing he has ever owned.

3. My brother is a writer. A beautiful writer. I had a profound conversation with him over the weekend which really refocused me and gave me a peace I haven't experienced in the past few weeks of anxiety over deadlines and paperwork and etc. My brother simply reminded me that the reason why we decided to adopt didn't really begin with Vlad. It began with a desire to chase after Christ and do something that required a crazy brand of faith. It was born out of a need to celebrate all that the Lord has done in and through the last three years of great sorrow and loss. It started with a pull to seek rather than wait to be found.

And my brother told me to do just that -- not chase after Vlad, not run after the cause of special needs orphans all over the world -- but sprint in the direction of God and what He is doing. This is a GOD-story after all. Not a story about me or even a story about Vlad. But a story of God at His creative best, up to His usual incomprehensibly wonderful and unexpected storytelling. And this was a much needed reminder as I was feeling rather suffocated under the weight of timelines and approvals and stacks of paperwork, each in the way of my son coming home. And I, the consummate control freak, was somehow thinking I could tackle each of these obstacles on my own.

It's so humbling and lovely when your little brother brings you home again to a place where your needs are so big that only a mighty Savior could conquer them. To a spot where you have to trust Him because you are truly not able to get the government to move faster. To a home where Vlad will one day live because that is the story that God is writing. I love that. Thanks to my brother -- you are such a great storyteller.

his name is Danil

2010-09-17T11:04:00.001-07:00

Ok, I am the type of person who keeps my problems to myself and doesn't like to lean on anyone when I am hurting. But this is just too big for me. I have been hurting for this little boy.

His name is Danil. He is in the same orphanage as Vlad. He is already 4 years old. In November, he will be transferred to an institution from which no one has ever been adopted.

He is a lot like Syrus. He has Down Syndrome and is sweet, gentle, and quiet. He is healthy, with no heart condition. He eats and sleeps well, is social and active with other children. He would make a great addition to any family. There is no reason he should spend his life in an institution. It's just not right.

Josh and I have been praying for Danil every day. Praying that his family will find him in time. Hoping that someone might be inspired to adopt him and invite the kind of sweetness and love into their family that we have every day with Syrus.

Oh, I hurt for this little guy. His name is Danil.

a good day

2010-09-14T18:18:00.000-07:00

Thank you to all of you who donated to Vlad for my birthday. It means so much to us and to our little guy -- such a tangible encouragement when the days have been challenging. We are pushing so hard to meet the November deadline and your support is such a taste of God's goodness. So thank you.

We had an AMAZING homestudy appointment today. Couldn't have gone better. I love our social worker. She was so easy to talk to and really seemed moved by Vlad's situation. She is projecting that our homestudy will be done by the first week of October which is a huge answer to prayer. Once the homestudy is complete we wait for approval from DCFS. Once we have THAT approval, we wait for approval from immigration. Those approvals can take weeks and weeks to receive. Weeks that Vlad doesn't have. So, continue to pray for the process and for our sweet little guy. He is a fighter and so are we.

best birthday gift ever!

2010-09-12T18:54:00.000-07:00

It is incredibly rare to have a baby picture of a child who was left at birth and has lived his whole life in an orphanage. So I was shocked when a good friend found this baby picture of Vlad! She found it on a public adoption site for children from Eastern Europe. You can imagine my surprise when I saw his adorable face. He looks so much like Syrus did as a baby.

Thanks so much, Mel -- this is a priceless birthday gift. And thanks for walking through this journey with me. I can't wait for for the day our boys come home. :)

"it's your birthday! we're gonna party like it's your birthday!"

2010-09-11T07:13:00.000-07:00

IIt's my birthday and everybody keeps asking me what I want. No I don't want a song by 50 Cent. But I will take 50 cents from anyone who wants to give it for my son, Vlad. The cost to adopt Vlad is $25,000-$30,000 which sounds crazy when he is an "unwanted" child with special needs. Here is the approximate breakdown of the costs:

ESTIMATED COSTS OF OUR ADOPTION

Whew! A lot of money but every penny becomes one step closer to Vlad having a new life with our family and spending his next birthday with us. So we'll take your 50 cents. And we'll start the party here. :)

my prayer

2010-09-08T21:01:00.001-07:00

Praying for my little boy tonight. As always. Can't wait to hold him for the first time and let him know how much he is loved. To watch him playing on the floor with Syrus. To see him running and laughing in West Chicago. Awwww, yeah!

Please pray that all of our paperwork moves and moves quickly. The country he is in does not accept submissions for adoption during the months of December, January, and February. So we are racing to get everything done by November 1st -- a large task to say the least when you are waiting on the government. Please pray that the way would be made clear for us to adopt Vlad before his country shuts down. Even though he doesn't turn four till next summer, we don't want him to be transferred to an institution for even one night. I can't bear the thought....

So, yes. Pray.

the life of a child with special needs

2010-09-07T19:22:00.000-07:00

I am starting to realize what a daunting task we have ahead of us. It's not the paperwork that weighs on me. It is Vlad's situation. And it is the fate of so many children with special needs in not only Vlad's country but in so many countries around the world.

When a child is born with Down Syndrome or any other number of disabilities, that child is given up for adoption and taken to what is called a baby house, an orphanage for children under the age of four. While this seems extreme in itself, keep in mind that as a parent of a child with special needs, there are no resources. There is no special education. There is no medical assistance. There is no cultural acceptance. There is no support or future for your child. If your child has a disability, you give your child away. You aren't given any other option.

And then the clock begins to tick. A child with special needs has a four year window to be adopted or something worse is waiting. For at the age of four, if you are a small child with a disability, you are transferred to a mental institution where you will live the rest of your life -- however long that may be. Most four year olds die within the first year of being committed to an institution for their lives become one without affection, interaction, stimulation, nutrition, hope -- without all the things that make us human. And all of this because they have a disability. All of this because they are different. All of this because they are like our son, Syrus.

This is what has started us on the path to bring Vlad home. When I look at our son Syrus, I can't imagine this being his life. For his story is one of such laughter and love and joy, not just from him but from us as well. He spends his day playing with so many people who love him, invest in him, and believe in him. This little boy has made me more of myself in the short 18 months that he has graced the planet than I was able to be on my own for 30 some years. And I can only imagine that Vlad will do the same if given the chance.

And this is why our task is so daunting. I don't stress out about completing a form or getting a document notarized. I am devastated by the "life" that Vlad will lead if we don't get to him in time. Vlad turned three this summer. He's got a little over ten months before he will be transferred to an institution. And to me, this is not an option. I can't allow our son to be tied into a crib for the rest of his days. I refuse to let our son think that he has no value. I won't allow our son to walk down that lonely and dehumanizing road. It won't be Syrus's life and it won't be Vlad's either.

What a difference a year makes

2010-09-06T10:53:00.000-07:00

I just received this photo of Vlad today. All our other photos of him are from a year ago. Look how much he has grown! And look at those sweet yellow shorts over red leggings. He's got swagger. What can I say? :) I love him. My son.

Awwwwww, yeah!

2010-09-04T15:33:00.000-07:00

that's right. here he is. look out.

And we're off...

2010-09-04T15:08:00.000-07:00

Here is the Burick family, minus one — our son Vlad will be joining us sometime in the next few months from Eastern Europe. We are about a month into the process of bringing him home to meet his brother Syrus, and we can’t wait!